Witch-Hunt! The Jack Smith Salem Witch Trial of the Maga Messiah

by David Comfort

“More due process was afforded to those accused in the Salem Witch Trials than to me.”

Donald Trump, claiming 330 times that he is the victim of history’s greatest Witch-Hunt.

Afternoon, folks! Sean Hannity here at Doral’s 13th hole for President Donald J. Trump’s long-awaited trial brought by the DOJ’s Witch-hunter General, Jack “the Ripper” Smith. Doubling down on whistleblower slander, the Special Counsel has added 37 counts of Collusion with the Devil.

Sad!

Behind me, a weaponized DOJ banner with Soros Scripture: “THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER A WITCH TO LIVE!”  (Exodus 22:18)

Under it, the Commander-in-Chief is duct-taped to a dunking seat – formerly known in Salem as “the defecation chair”– hanging over the 13^th water hazard. SRO gallery for the waterboarding today: SCOTUS, Congress, Proud Boys, Antifa, PGA and LIV pros. After his testimony, the former president will be unseated: If he drowns, he’s innocent, if not, he’s a witch. Then the octogenarian crime boss, Sleepy Joe – if he’s awake – strangles him , ruling out a ’24 White House return.

The Ripper is closing in on the doo-doo seat now for the final Q & A. Donning his Depends and his MAGA mug tee, the stable genius hasn’t even broken a sweat.

Let’s listen in!…

Smith: You declassified 300 Top Secret documents — with your mind? Then burned, flushed, or ate the rest?

Trump: I don’t do things wrong: I do things right. I’m a legitimate person — Bigly!

Smith (flashing a photo): Exhibit A: Recognize the individual here holding the Holy Bible upside down while gassing BLM protestants?

Trump: Never seen him in my life. Perfect hair, though!

Smith (holding up a weather map): Exhibit B: Redirecting of the Lord’s Flood with your Sharpie?

Trump: Fuck Alabama, and that rat’s ass Mister Magoo too – what goes around comes around.

Smith (playing tape): “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay? It’s, like, incredible.”

Trump: Eat it, Rudy!

Smith: So, you bewitched 74,223,369 million Christians, plus America’s Mayor?

Trump: 77,123,456 plus 11,780 – with my Jews, Blacks, and Bueno Hombres.

Smith (Happy Meal in hand): Exhibit C: BigMac, Famous Fries, Coke – Original, no greens, no exercise, no sleep. But you’re in “exceptional health”: recovered from Covid “miraculously,” while 1,132,872 Americans died. What do you attribute that to?

Trump: Horse dewormer. Bleach… Faith.

Smith: Can you recite the Lord’s Prayer, Sir?

Trump (gazing heavenward): … Two Corinthians 3:17: Person Woman Man Camera…

Smith: That’s Four, two shy of a Hex. Incantation?

Trump: Covfefe! 

Smith (shuffling docs, soldiering on): 5^th Avenue – 666. That address mean anything to you?

Trump: My son-in-law’s, the Jew’s, rental. Yemen covered his balloon, after my blockade. Go Navy!

Smith: You cast a spell on the Yemenis during the Saudi LIV sword dance?

Trump: What can I say? Camel jockeys love my ass.

Smith: Speaking of body parts, did you use Khashoggi’s for any other potlucks in Riyadh?

Trump: Had my KFC. Don’t know what MBS ordered, but it wasn’t extra crispy.

Smith (changing tack): Double, double toil and trouble, Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Gall of goat and slips of yew. Liver of blaspheming Jew. That jingle ring a bell?

Trump: Little shylock Kushner – I made his punk ass, now he Judases me for ’24. And he’s still boinking my daughter!

Smith: Try MacBeth ! Guy who pulled a 1/6 on the King of Scotland.

Trump (brightening): Got a golf course over there! Turnberry, next to the old hotel.

Smith: The most haunted in the country. Trysting place for your coven?

Trump: The Open, you deranged lunatic!

Smith: No Black Sabbaths with your three witches – McEnany, Marjorie, Melania – and their cat familiars?

Trump: Not my fault they love their GRAB MY PUSSY tees. (soto) Except Melania.

Smith: You’re aware, Sir, of which country has burned more witches than any other? Slovenia!

Trump: She was Epstein’s call-girl – gave wicked head!.

Smith (cutting to the chase): Take off your shirt.

Trump (beat): …Now way. Fucking faggot!

Smith (displaying medieval woodcut of a 3-breasted witch): Exhibit C: Got an extra NIPPLE, Old Scratch?

Trump: WTF, I’m trans now? See your ass in court!

Smith: You lost to Maher for calling you the son of an orangutan. Knock yourself out, Koko!.

Trump & Smith: Two bloodcurdling screams…

Hannity back with you, folks! Forty-five and the Ripper roughhousing in the drink now — SCOTUS, LIV pros, and MAGA flying monkeys jumping in, MSNBC drag queens beating them off with their heels and garter belts!…

Holy Moley, no! Smith and feminazis dunking the sputtering Don under a stack of Bibles, chanting “Begone, Satan!” Forty-five’s head doing Exorcist 360’s, Top Secret docs and nuke codes spewing from his hot maw!…

Jesus, Joseph, and frickin Mary, Praise the Lord! The Chosen One drains the swamp, wings it to the club house roof, and – flashing three nipples, blowing red-white-and-blue fire, brandishing bone spurs and horns — bellows to God’s Country:

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth disgraced
So if you meet me
Have some sympathy, have some taste
Or I’ll slay your snowflake soul to waste!