Ah, the old holiday family gathering!  Hugging each other.  Exchanging loving pleasantries.

Uh-oh, the new holiday family gathering!  Glaring at each other.  Exchanging hostile political barbs.

This year, though, you made yourself a promise:  you’re going to go out of your way to not bring up anything even remotely political, right?  A step in the right direction, certainly.  However, that may not be enough.  Because you never know what innocent, totally non-political comment, or even a single word, could set someone off.  Which, in turn, could set someone else off.  And so on and so forth. 

Take, for example, the verb trump, which simply means, according to Webster, “to beat someone or something by saying or doing something better” – e.g., one thing trumps another.  This one innocent word, for obvious reasons, nowadays trumps (pun intended) all other words in sparking a heated political discourse. 

If you’ve recently been to England and got a bargain due to the favorable exchange rate, whatever you do, don’t say you paid “x pounds, x pence” for your purchase.  Round it off to simply x pounds.  Or risk the possibility of a fiery debate about whether or not a sitting vice president should have been lynched. 

And, equally important, for obvious reasons don’t use the term “biding your time” – or, even worse, dropping the “g” and saying “bidin’”. 

The aforementioned are just the most obvious examples.  The tip of the political iceberg, so to speak.  There are many more relationship-wrecking catalysts that every individual with a sense of family should be aware of, if they want to hold on to that family. 

Like entertainment.  Whatever you do, make no mention of the highly-rated TV series Chucky.  Several family members are bound to seize on the name and commence arguing back and forth about the pros and cons of the New York senator.  Plus, as popular as it is right now, don’t bring up The White Lotus, which could quite possibly spark a fiery racial argument.  

Even food can be a no-no.  If you’re thinking of serving Brussel sprouts with your roast, forget it.  Keep in mind that Brussels is NATO’s main headquarters, and we all know what a political powder keg NATO can be these days.  (Since Chicken Kyiv isn’t an American holiday favorite, we don’t have to be concerned with that one.).  And, as much of a holiday ritual that it is, it might be wise this year to forgo the traditional Green Bean Casserole, since the chances of an environmental disagreement is highly likely to ensue.

Also, for those who grew up in the New York metro area, don’t even dream of waxing nostalgic about Coney Island.  Guaranteed that one (or more) of your relatives will spend the next half-hour commenting – positively or negatively, as their political case may be – on the newest Republican member of the Supreme Court. 

We now come to music, which could be a source of either pleasure or, this year, possibly pain.  Whatever you do, make sure your playlist doesn’t include South of the Border, Our House, and Fool on the Hill, for reasons that should be apparent.  Plus, and this is of the utmost importance, make extra extra certain that any song by James Taylor isn’t followed by one by Al Green.  Because it’s quite possible that at least one observant member of your family will pick up on the Taylor Greene reference and a political volcano will erupt that may make it necessary to hide your roast-carving utensils.

Finally – and in this case it’s not a trigger word but a trigger object:  your tablecloth…the color.  Need we say more?