By Carolyn Mamchur

8 November 2017

If murdering an old person and stealing his money is something you’ve been considering, here is exactly how to do it!

I once had a friend who was being kept in filth and isolation in a “home” as his power of attorney gained access to all my friend’s considerable funds. I tried to get him out of there. The judge decided I didn’t understand the nature of dementia. I may not have succeeded in my attempt to rescue my friend. But I did learn how to murder someone and use the authorities to help you do it.

First, you must be right for the job.  You need to be meticulous, patient, a convincing liar, a good planner, and very tenacious.  If you have a job or profession that you enjoy and that offers you a decent living, this is not for you.  This kind of murder and robbery, one which is not enacted quickly with a knife or a gun, takes a long time.  Count on at least four years from planning to execution.  How will you know if you are right for the job?  Have you made it a goal to use your amble charms to ingratiate yourself to others who will pay for your delightful presence?  Then read on, my friend.

Second, you need to find the right person to murder.  Take your time.  Be ever vigilant.  The right person has to have some very particular characteristics.  It’s actually easier to find a man than a woman as women who are helpless can garner sympathy and that you don’t want.  So, I’d advise you go for a man.  And obviously, an elderly man.  Over 75 is great if you can find one.

But not just any elderly man will do.  Naturally, it must be a man with considerable wealth, preferably in property.  Property is easier to sell and hide profits.  Money in a bank is much more difficult to lie about.

Look for a widow, a man without children, perhaps a homosexual.  You don’t want a lot of close family members who can cause you trouble.  Family can be pretty greedy.  Keep away from them.  Plus, they have so many damn rights.  It is better to find a person who has friends, rather than one who has relatives, especially children.  Can you think of anyone like this?

Now, you might have a wealthy elderly male with no kids in mind.  But, does he have any handicaps?  It is important he has handicaps.  You can take advantage of this when you are trying to get him to sign you up as power of attorney.  That is your immediate goal.  To get that signature.  It’s essential to your being able to get the establishment to help you rob him.

A person who is blind or deaf is often a good catch.  Even better is someone with a learning disorder.   A person with Autism or Asperger’s is almost perfect.  Such a guy will probably have some life skills issues you can use to advantage.  And such folks look as if they are suffering from dementia when their Asperger’s is causing more difficulty as they age.  Aging causes all of us to struggle more. You want that struggle to look like severe dementia.  It will also help if the person won’t admit or have legally diagnosed his disorder.

But that isn’t the only reason for searching for someone with special needs.  You want to make that person rely on you.  It may take some time, but if you can put on the charm and convince this person that he needs you to have a quality life, then you’re laughing.

Start small.  Do little things.  Help him shopping.  Invite him over for lunch.  Be there when he needs you.  Try to find a time when he is in a special deficit; the death of a friend is a good time to make your move.  Attending funerals will often provide good candidates.

Be on the lookout for someone who is already a friend of one of your relatives or acquaintances. The target will trust you more if you seem to be trusted by his friend.

Imagine your good fortune if you find an elderly, wealthy, man with a handicap that you could capitalize on.  Well, you’re almost there.  Look for another possible flaw.  The absolute, hands down best flaw in this case would be if the person were a hoarder!  A hoarder can look pretty crazy.

Just having power of attorney isn’t enough.  You are searching for someone you can control.  Control is half the fun.  In order to control another person, and incidentally, have access to his wealth, is to have him declared incapacitated with dementia.  Almost all folks over 75 have some form of forgetfulness.  But if that person is a handicapped hoarder, you are in, my friend, like Flynn.

Okay, you’ve found your victim.  Now befriend him.  Get him to trust you.  Remember, get him to need you.  Be patient.  This may take several months, even up to a year.  But it’s worth it.  You are going to retire in style with this man’s money.  And just think you didn’t really have to work for it. Not at any crappy 8 to 5 job, 6 days a week.   You just had to suck up and be useful for a few months.

As you are becoming trusted and useful, the person will begin to think he cannot survive without you.  And that is good.  But you also must be on the lookout for something you can hold him hostage with.  Everyone has secrets.  Everyone has done things they wouldn’t want others to know about.  You can count on it.   It is important that you find out what that shameful secret is.  And keep it in your pocket ready to pull it out and threaten your subject with when he begins to realize you have duped him and he wants out.  You have to make sure he feels this secret is so shameful, he will obey you just to keep it quiet.  It doesn’t matter if it is shameful in the eyes of others, or your eyes, either.  It only matters that the subject finds it personally shameful.

Foster that skill of being able to discern what someone would hate to have revealed about themselves.   It will come in very handy in ways you can’t imagine.  For one thing, it is unlikely you will be able to pull this off all by yourself.  You will need some allies along the way.  But you don’t want too many of those hangers on at the end of the day, taking some of the profits. The more you have “on” your allies, the more you can control them if you have to.  Besides, like I said, it’s a lot of fun.

Also, be aware that some of the people you choose to get involved, may be real friends of the victim and if they catch on to what you are doing, you will need something to hold over them and silence them or get rid of them if you need to.

If you have been plotting this guy’s demise for over a year, you should have managed to take care of a lot of the details.  You should have someone under your thumb who will join you as power of attorney.  It is important you have someone on your “team” to back you up.  You never know when you might need an affidavit to get rid of anyone getting too nosey.  A fellow conspirator will be useful in such an event.  Be sure you are smarter than them, though.  You will want to get rid of them later on.  Just don’t do it too soon.  Remember, you may need them right up to the end.  But if you have the goods on them, as I recommended, you won’t have to worry.  You can dump them when the time is right.  It would be a good idea to let them “benefit” from your subject’s money before it is really OK to do so.  That will keep them quiet.

Another detail is to have created a mythology.  Tell the story of first, how his dementia is getting worse.  And second, how you are helping him.  Get the term, “saving his life”, out there in the ethers.  If you tell your story often enough to enough people in a relatively small community, you will be believed.  In fact, others may even add details to the myth.  When you say, “Mr. Blah Blah is getting so forgetful, he is worrying me.  I’m afraid he may set himself on fire,” a neighbour might agree so much, she adds, “I noticed him walking around the yard the other day.  He seemed to be in a kind of a daze.”  And pretty soon you have a lot of people believing and even spreading your myth.

It is essential, of course, to create a myth around something that is a clear sign of dementia.  You, of course, have done your homework and know that once a person can no longer keep themselves clean, their doctor can declare them incompetent.  Incompetent, the golden word.

So, you create the myth that you take your friend to your home to let him shower there.  The truth is, he can’t shower in his own place because the shower is so full of magazines and books that he keeps ordering from the catalogue. He actually hasn’t used it for ages.  He’s been using his friend’s.  But if you are lucky, his friend will have recently died and it is an ideal opportunity for you to step in.  You offer your shower.  And you tell as many people as often as you can that you are keeping him clean and able to live on his own. Part of the myth is that you are the hero.  Don’t forget the phrase, “I am saving his life”.  Make sure your “special friend” hears this too.  Soon, he will actually believe it himself.

Okay, you have got the goods on several people you may either use or you need to get rid of, real friends of the victim.  You have worked very hard at making this guy trust you and need you.  You have moved in at a vulnerable time (right after a death of a friend being ideal) or right after an illness or a fall. And you have created a myth about his losing it more and more and your helping him.  You are writing a script and directing all the characters.  Feel the POWER in “power of attorney”.

You have to be very very careful now or you may blow the whole thing.  You have to get him to sign over power of attorney.  Many people, even people like the man I am describing for you, are reluctant to sign a power of attorney.  It’s only natural, no one wants to think of themselves as being incapacitated.

However you may have another aspect of human nature that is in your favour.  Your subject may also be playing a bit of a game himself.  He may be playing along with you, pretending he is going to put you in his will or that he will even give you power of attorney because you are taking such good care of him.  He may secretly have no intention of doing either of these things; but he doesn’t want you to stop helping him.  And being his companion.  With his best friend gone, he will be naturally feeling lonely.  That is why funerals are such a good place to find a victim.

This will be especially true if other not so close friends have tired of helping him (especially if he is a hoarder).  He should be feeling pretty desperate.  If he has already created a will with other people as recipients of his estate, he may even talk badly of them to convince you he has you in mind now and not them.  So, he is actually using you.  But you are smarter than he is.

Be prepared.  Have the power of attorney papers ready and on you at all times.  Word the document so that you get as much power as is possible.  Get control of the finances and the health.  That way you can kill your subject.  Getting control of his health is crucial.  With the document on you, you can be on the lookout for the right moment to get him to sign.

Watch your subject very carefully and see what rattles him.  You want to get him when he’s rattled and can’t really think straight.  That’s why a person with a disability is so important.  That’s why Asperger’s is a great disability for your subject to have.  Such folks often get overwhelmed with a lot of commotion.  Also, a man of 75 or over usually gets fatigued quite easily.  Bad knees are a good thing for him to have.

Take him to a place where he has to walk a lot.  Get him so tired he will do almost anything to sit down.  Better yet, to lie down.  Pretend you are looking for something you can’t find.  Keep looking.  A big store is best.  Ikea works well. Or Costco.  Wal-Mart isn’t bad.

Then tell him he isn’t looking very strong.  Ask him to sign.  You have been building him up to this, telling him how he needs to have his things in order.  Or the government will take all his money.  Make him believe you will take care of him.  Make him feel comfortable by assuring him that the power of attorney will only go into effect if a doctor deems him incapable of taking care of himself.

Of course, while you have been telling everyone how his dementia is getting worse, you have been convincing him that he will never lose his brilliant mind.  He will be safe with the clause in there that the power of attorney only goes into effect at a time so far in the future that it never occurs to him it could be just around the corner.

Show him the document.  If you have been lucky enough to have that handicapped person, blind or with a reading disability, he probably won’t be able to read it.  If he is blind, you read it to him and offer to take him to a notary and then home, to a hot meal and a soft couch where he can lie down.  Right now, that should be the main thing on his mind.  You may see signs of fatigue, sweating, pale, open mouth breathing.  Go in for the kill.

If he has a learning disability, he won’t admit he can’t read the document.  That’s a real plus.  Get him to that notary when he is tired and wants to get out of there.

Now you are ready to get the next stage of your plan into action.  Things will go faster for you now.

Maybe it’s time to give you a hypothetical example of how this could unfold.  You have you subject. He’s in his eighties, a gay collector of both valuable things and of junk.  The junk is everywhere and his home, in this case, let’s say a trailer, is literally inhabitable.  Every inch of bed, table, chairs, is covered with litter.  Food rots everywhere.  Garbage spills out into the eating area.  There is evidence of mice and rats and even a snake or two who have come in to forage on the garbage and dropped food.  Some are alive; some are carcases.  The smell is awful. This guy is of a Howard Hughes calibre.  He even pees in milk jugs.  It could be because he wants to save his urine; or it could be that he just can’t make it to the bathroom over all the knee-deep clutter.

As part of his daily routine, you have encouraged a young man to pick him up and bring him to a local restaurant for coffee.  Choose a young man who has very little judgement of his own and who will follow orders, and do what you tell him to do.  Someone with some brain damage, say from a car accident is a good subject here.  Don’t make it too complicated.  Simple instructions, for example, “If XXX doesn’t wake up when you go to pick him up, call the fire department right away.  He may have had a heart attack.  Then run away.  You don’t want them to catch you there.  They might blame you for making him sick.”

Given that your subject will probably take sleeping pills, he may be hard to wake up sometimes.  Lots of elderly people have trouble sleeping and take sleep meds.  If your victim doesn’t, suggest he should.  Buy him some.  Convince him that getting a good night’s sleep is important for his health.  Remember, you are the saviour here, looking out for his best interest, yet again.

It will eventually happen.  Your man will oversleep. The brain damaged young man will panic and call the fire department.  When they see the condition he lives in, they will assume he is nuts to live like this and fear he shouldn’t live alone.

By now, your guy will wake up and freak out.  The sheriff might even be called.  This will freak your subject even more and if you have done your prep work, he will ask them to call you.  To make sure you get called and can activate your plan have a card in his wallet that tells anyone to call you if XXX gets sick or has an accident.  It might be prudent to also give this information to a neighbour or a manager of the apartment where your guy lives.

Once you are called you step into action.  If the fire marshal or sheriff calls you, instruct them to bring your subject to the psych ward of the local hospital.  Tell them he has dementia and can do himself harm.  Your subject is, of course freaking out, and they do think a psych ward is in order.  Once you get him to the hospital, you arrive and take control.

The first thing you must do is to isolate your victim.  Keep everyone away.   Isolation is absolutely crucial.  You don’t want anyone getting in the way of your plan.  You don’t want anyone talking to your subject and filling his head with a bunch of nonsense.  You do have that secret in your back pocket, and you can threaten him with that, but preferably not yet.

Tell him you can get him out of the psych ward, and over to your friend’s house.  Your friend, and his.  This person could even be the second person signed on as having power of attorney.  He should be so happy to get out of the hospital and to a friends’ house, he should not only be willing, but will be grateful.  He will let you hold him hostage.

But, of course, before you go, you must get a doctor to sign a legal document saying that your friend has dementia and cannot look after himself.  As soon as you do that, you are in control.

Find some excuse why he cannot stay in your friend’s house and take him to a retirement home where most of the patients are women with dementia.  Get him the cheapest room you can.  Bring absolutely nothing that is familiar to him.  Make him as uncomfortable as you can get away with.  And again, make sure he is allowed no visitors, no phone calls, nothing without you giving the ok and you being present.

If anyone tries to balk you and break this rule, take drastic measures.  Petition for the person to be charged with endangering an elder.  Find enough people to support your claim.  That’s why having created allies is so important.  Get a good lawyer.  Threaten the person who is trying to jinx your plan.  Do what it takes.  Hire detectives to find the dirt on the person.  You will have to spend money, but that’s ok.  By now you should be able to use your subject’s money.  It will be worth it to eradicate anyone who would like to get the subject into a different living arrangement and out of your control.  Think of him as your hostage at this point.  And you are using the establishment to help you keep him hostage. A good lawyer and a lot of affidavits from your allies will convince a judge that your potential enemy is dangerous and you, again are saving your friend from harm.   Plus, it will teach anyone who messes with you that you will get them.  Create an aura of fear.

You need your subject to be in a place you know he’d hate to be.  He will probably have told you what that would be.  When you have a power of attorney, you usually talk about those kinds of things.  Pretend you agree; but really you are finding out what will make him the most depressed.  Depression lowers the immune system.  It causes people to give up.  That’s what you want for your victim.  You want him sick and feeling hopeless.

Another good strategy to use here is to give him a terrible diet.  Feed him candy.  The elderly love candy as sugar is the taste that follows us into old age.  Put a few Ensure in his room to show how hard you are working at keeping him alive.  But definitely no protein.

So, just to review, put him in a place he’d hate, keep him isolated and starve him.  If you have doubts about this working, just google how cults do it.  Same tactics.  They work.

To be absolutely certain your subject cannot get away on his own, you must prepare for such a potential danger ahead of time.  Destroy all of his ID — driver’s licence, passport, credit cards.  Best is to burn it.  Blame that on one of the people you want to get rid of.  Convince your subject that the person he trusts, is really after his money.

Also, make sure he can’t drive.   Find a reason to have his driver’s licence revoked.  Report him to the police.   Insist he is a danger to himself.  Cause an accident if you have to, but get him dependent upon you for travel before you get him locked up; and unable to escape once you have him where you want him.  Make him feel helpless.  He’ll turn to you even more.  It’s an odd aspect of abuse and it works in your favour.

Choose a retirement home that offers care by the dollar.  That is, that the client gets “what he pays for” and nothing more.  And, of course, you pay for the least possible care.  Why?  Because your friend has instructed you not to waste his money.  You are only doing his bidding.

With limited care, he will likely not have his bedding changed, he will be uncomfortable, may even wet or mess himself and lie in it, perhaps for days.  That will cause him to get bed – sores, infections.  And soon, he will die.  Most patients rarely last a year in that state.

This should not surprise you.  Once you have done all this to your “special friend” he will be so sad and sick he becomes your best ally.  He works as hard at killing himself as you did.  He wants to die.  And again, you are his saviour.  You are making it possible for him to do just that.  Congratulate yourself on a job well done. My goodness, you are a hero.  You deserve to have all his money.

And the established authorities helped you to get it.  Those people entrusted to the care of the elderly supported you all the way.  Police, doctors, retirement homes, hospitals, courts.  No one will try to touch you once you start spending the money.  They will all look like fools.  Even worse, it could look as if some were being paid off by you.  You’re laughing.

But a word of warning, don’t do it again!  That is a terrible mistake a lot of people make.  It worked so perfectly, they get greedy and want more.  Don’t do it.  It is too dangerous.   I have to repeat that, because I am sure you will be tempted.  Be strong.  Resist. It is time for you to retire.

And now that you are retired, remember: Never give anyone your power of attorney.

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Carolyn Mamchur is a professor at Simon Fraser University, an author of numerous articles, poems, children books, books on psychology, short stories, and screen plays, and a creator of two botanical gardens. She and her daughter own and operate Magic Horse Garden, a sanctuary they share with visitors, students, clients and four therapy horses, five llamas, two rabbits, two dogs, twelve chickens, three ducks, two doves, but no partridge in a pear tree.