By Martin H. Levinson

Opinion: Say it Loud, I’m Anti-Vax and I’m Proud

By Pierce DeResistance

When the smallpox vaccine was invented in the 18^th century, it didn’t prevent people from getting sick with smallpox. It just wasted everyone’s time because people weren’t getting sick from smallpox. They were getting sick from “largepox,” a malady caused by big, visible, airborne particles that can easily be warded off by turning your back to them or ducking when you see them coming. That’s what George Washington, the first president of the American Republic and by that fact a Republican, asked people to do. But there were others with different ideas.

Democratic operatives said the problem wasn’t largepox. It was smallpox, a disease they made up. They said you couldn’t see smallpox and the best way to avoid it was to get vaccinated. The Dems got the head of the CCDC (Centers for Colonial Disease Control) to send out horseback riders to towns and villages to tell people to get the jab, which resulted in lots of sore arms and tons of time lost from drinking beer, rum, and hard cider at the local tavern. You couldn’t trust the Democrats then and you can’t trust them now.

The measles vaccine, which was developed in the Sixties, was also a scam. The 1960s was a time of great protest in society and it wasn’t only people who protested. The measles virus also protested, carrying placards inside people’s bodies that read “Microbes against disease,” and “Hey, Hey, ho, ho, human illness got to go.” The measles virus simply decided not to inflict itself on people during the Sixties. Afterwards, measles disappeared because childhood disappeared.

Measles is a childhood disease, which means there are two ways to prevent it—get rid of the germ or get rid of childhood. With the advent of television and the Internet the latter has won out, as there is nothing adults know that children don’t know or can find out without having to talk to an adult. Because of electronic media, childhood innocence is a thing of the past. We’re all adults in the twenty-first century and with childhood gone there is no reason to be concerned about childhood diseases.

In 1963, Dr. Jonas Salk announced on a national radio news show that he had successfully tested a vaccine against poliomyelitis, the virus that causes the crippling disease of polio. What he didn’t announce was that people were already being inoculated against polio by eating Twinkies. It turned out that besides wheat flour, sugar, corn syrup, dextrose, partially hydrogenated vegetable shortening, and god knows what else, a secret ingredient was being put into Twinkies during the 1950s that prevented polio. How that ingredient got into the cake mix or who put it there has never been revealed but research done by the International Disease and Dessert Association (IDDA) has shown that whatever the ingredient was it killed the virus. FYI Laboratory studies of the dead virus indicate it died either of heart disease or diabetes caused by the secret ingredient, although there is some evidence it might have been all the rest of the crap in a Twinkie that caused the virus to die.

During the Fifties, Twinkies were distributed and consumed across the globe and the drastic reduction in polio cases at the time and since show the secret ingredient did its job. Today polio is 99.9% eradicated and if Twinkies were more widely dispersed it would be 100%.

Now the government wants people to get shots to prevent Covid. But it’s not what’s in the shot that’s keeping people from getting Covid. It’s the placebo effect that’s keeping them from contracting the disease. They believe the shot works and in response to that belief their bodies create antibodies to fight the bug. It’s called the mind-body connection. Look it up.

The crux of what I’m saying is vaccines are bogus and you don’t need them to be well. What you need is acceptance, luck, and an understanding that God wants people to be fruitful and multiply, not sick and dead. It’s in the Bible: “Be fruitful and multiply, believe in religion not science, party but be home at a reasonable hour, and vaccines are not essential to cure what ails you.”

What is essential in this pestilential time is a conviction that we are stronger than an itsy-bitsy, teensy-weensy, minuscule, pint-sized microbe. We will get through this pandemic with perseverance, pluck, not being pussies, and eventually herd immunity. The virus will not beat us. In the sage words of a former and, if the 2020 election wasn’t stolen, current president: “It’s going to disappear. One day—it’s like a miracle—it will disappear.”