Alright, you got me. 65 in a 40 — not great, I know. But when you’ve got “Hot for Teacher” cranked up on your way to the gym, how could you not stretch out the legs on this bad boy?

Oh, you haven’t heard of it? Well, you might be too young, from the looks of it, Miss, so that’s understandable.

No, I’m not coming onto you at all, you’re not even my type, really. I’m just being polite.

Now wait, I see what you’ve got there, but before you hand it to me, you should know that it’s times like these when you can be part of the solution rather than part of the problem, and I don’t want any ill will between us after today.

Well, I’ll tell you why. If I end up being out — how much? $92.73? — then who knows what that’ll make me do down the road. I won’t be in a good mood, you can be sure of that, and when I get home maybe I’ll be a little short with the wife. Then she might accuse me of seeing this waitress from the other night who laughed after I put my glasses around my bottle of Budweiser and told her that my friend Bud here was a five-day winner on Jeopardy! Basically, it could turn into something bad.

And my wife, she works at National Grid, and if she’s having a rough day because of some stress at home, I wouldn’t be surprised if she hit the wrong button and some customers’ power went out. That’s a recipe for disaster in the winter, I don’t have to tell you that. In the dark, someone could fall, and I don’t know which of his houses the governor’s at right now, but it could easily happen to him.

He’s a pretty tall guy, too, and if he hits his head, well, all that distance between his head and the ground could spell the end for him. We just had an election, so another campaign would be — oh God, I hate to even think of it. And in the meantime, a lame duck in the state house? That would make the gridlock there even worse. You know some of them are armed? One stalled bill and you might have a shooting or two on your hands. We just can’t take the risk.

So, the truth is I could’ve been really bombing down that straightaway. 25 over isn’t as bad as 30, right? I mean, you really have to hear the song to get it, it’s a wild one. I could play it for you if you want, it’s only four-and-a-half min—

Okay, fine, fine. You’re the boss. But look, no one got hurt. I didn’t hit a deer or a raccoon or someone’s dog. Hell, not even a bug, from the looks of it. See the windshield? Hardly looks like glass at all, it’s so clean. I don’t want to get all libertarian but can you tell me who the victim is in this situation? Otherwise, what’s the point of all this? No reason whatsoever to be looking in the rearview mirror here.

No, just as a figure of speech, you know? I’m good about using my mirrors. Anyway, I hope you see what I’m getting at. You’d be putting a real emphasis on the “order” in “law and order.” That first part can wait. Please, have a heart so that we can both continue on as we were. This is just the first track of a greatest hits album.