Mark Zuckerberg’s Metaverse: A Day in the Life
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021![by Jonathan Zimmerman “A lot of us will be creating and inhabiting worlds that are just as detailed and convincing as this one, on a daily basis.” —Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, announcing that his company will change its name to Meta and focus on virtual reality Woke up early so I could hit the virtual gym. My avatar is looking a bit paunchy around the middle. Have to get rid of those virtual love handles. Had a delicious virtual […]](https://www.thesatirist.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/zucker-meta-avatar.png){kind=avatar}
by Jonathan Zimmerman
“A lot of us will be creating and inhabiting worlds that are just as detailed and convincing as this one, on a daily basis.”
—Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, announcing that his company will change its name to Meta and focus on virtual reality
—Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, announcing that his company will change its name to Meta and focus on virtual reality
Woke up early so I could hit the virtual gym. My avatar is looking a bit paunchy around the middle. Have to get rid of those virtual love handles.
Had a delicious virtual smoothie after my workout. It’s full of anti-toxins. Felt virtuous, not just virtual.
Took the virtual subway to work. Some of the other passengers weren’t wearing their virtual masks, which made me worried. Message to the world: the virtual pandemic is not over. Stop pretending otherwise!
At my virtual cubicle. Other avatars are gossiping, checking their virtual email, and also doing a bit of virtual shopping. Do they think they’re invisible?
Lunch in the virtual cafeteria. All of the avatars are sucking up the boss, telling him things like, “If I were real, I’d really agree with you.” Just sickening.
Standing around the virtual water cooler, and hoping the really cute avatar with the hoop earrings stops by as well. I still can’t muster the courage to ask her out on a virtual date.
Finally, 5 p.m.! All of the avatars stream out of the virtual building, discussing evening plans. I wonder what the hoop-earring girl is up to?
Caught up with a virtual friend for a virtual drink. His avatar wife just left him for one of those hunky avatars that you see in the movies. Doesn’t she know he’s not real?
Dinner. A virtual burger and fries, even though my virtual doctor told me to lay off the junk food. But I’m like, hey, you only live once, right? I’m going to live it to the fullest, my virtual waistline notwithstanding.
Went to my first World Series game! The Atlanta Avatars defeated the Houston Avatars on a late-inning home run by Eddie Rosario’s avatar. Houston’s virtual bullpen has racked up too many virtual innings, and it showed.
Time for bed. Hit the virtual hay but couldn’t get any virtual sleep. So I started to play some video games. My avatar is kicking butt! I hope the hoop-earring girl is watching.
Finally nodded off, wondering if tomorrow is going to be as boring as today. Remember the Ben Stiller movie “Reality Bites”? Turns out that virtual reality does, too. Don’t believe everything you read about it in the virtual newspaper.
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Jonathan Zimmerman teaches education and history at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the author (with cartoonist Signe Wilkinson) of Free Speech, and Why You Should Give a Damn, which was published in April by City of Light Press.
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