By Martin H. Levinson

Everyone knows about QAnon, a rightwing conspiracy culture whose mission is to unearth the secret plots that the deep state has hatched against Donald Trump and his supporters. What is less well-known, and of far greater relevance to American politics, is LMNOPanon, a spot-on conspiracy theory alleging that all Democrats are secret Satan-worshippers and that the Democratic Party, at the dawn of creation, swayed a serpent to deceive Eve into eating fruit from the tree of knowledge. The result was God banished Eve and her blameless husband from the Garden of Eden, a Republican paradise populated by white evangelicals, second amendment people, and the descendants of Scott Baio and Roseanne Barr.

Why do so few people know about LMNOPanon? It’s because Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the other Democrat run social-networking companies have kept people from posting about it. Fortunately, you can’t keep people from posting fliers on lampposts and distributing leaflets on the street so slowly but surely folks are learning about LMNOPanon and its message that it is not just the deep state we have to worry about. The bigger threat to the country is that in our two-party political system one of the parties is in league with the devil, immigrants, black people, brown people, people sporting other colors, and people who think voting should be made easy.

Democracy as a way of life was baked in the cake when the Constitution was written in 1787, with white men given charge of things including the exclusive right to vote. But during the Civil War, the great grandparents of George Soros and a claque of nineteenth-century globalists met with Abraham Lincoln and they rigged the Constitution so black men could vote. A little more than fifty years later, a crowd of Hollywood liberals and pro-choice advocates cut a deal with Woodrow Wilson that gave women the franchise. Four years after that, a bunch of Antifa supporters and politically correct college professors paid Congress to let Indians get in on the ballot. Today, the US electorate is a rainbow of rapscallions from all over the place with white men a minority of voters.

But worse things have happened than the weakening of white male supremacy in choosing America’s leaders. For example, on October 7, 2019, German Prime Minister Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron, and Chinese Premier Xi Jinping met to develop a plan that involved eating the children of Trump supporters. Here’s how this cruel, cannibalistic scheme worked.

Text messages were sent to children whose parents supported Trump, inviting the youngsters to pizza and ice cream parties at the United Nations’ Delegates Dining Room in New York City. When the kids showed up to the gatherings they were fed pizza and ice cream laced with arsenic, which caused them to have horrible stomachaches and die. Their bodies were then taken to JFK airport and flown to Berlin, Paris, and Beijing where they were baked into meat pies and served to executives of the World Bank, the World Health Organization, and the workers at the Wuhan Lab that developed and launched Covid-19. The idea behind this nefarious plan was to reward those who hate America by providing them with a one-of-a-kind culinary experience and a way to get revenge on people who put into office a man who has attacked the French, the Germans, and the Chinese bigly.

LMNOPAnon has uncovered many other noteworthy stories that the leaders of the Lucifer-loving Democratic Party have tried to keep under wraps. They include accounts that (a) Abraham Lincoln was a black transvestite who bleached his skin white and wore pantyhose and a brassiere under his broadcloth coat and trousers, (b) all the victims of the supposed mass shootings in this nation actually shot themselves and made it look like someone else had killed them, and (c) The Wizard of Oz and liberal-leaning space aliens have been plotting to murder all the members of Trump’s Cabinet.

President Trump is aware of LMNOPanon, and is supportive of its followers, but can’t let that be known because that would upset QAnon aficionados who think they have a monopoly on spreading confidential political intrigues. So he signals his approval clandestinely by doing things like drinking up to twelve Diet Cokes a day, telling crowds at rallies that “the whole world is laughing at us,” and not releasing his tax returns. These behaviors, and Trump’s willingness to do whatever he can to take over the US government and make it part of the Trump organization, show that the president is on the side of the American people and is conscious of their desire to be led by a benevolent dictator.

LMNOPanon is also working on behalf of the American people, exposing the rot and decay inherent in the bow-down-to Beelzebub Democratic Party and the in-built corrosion and disarray that come with living in a free and open society. We need to take this country back and make America Great Again! And, even more importantly, we need to make sure our children don’t go to pizza and ice cream parties unless we know who’s inviting them.