Score one point for each item you check:

1. When you’re stuck in traffic, do you automatically blame

• The State of New Jersey
• Henry Ford
• The asshole in the left lane who keeps trying to cut in front of you
• Jews
• The President of the United States

2. When you contemplate the First Family, what do you foresee for their collective future?

• Golden-encased furnishings a la the Palace at Versailles?
• Long walks on moon-streaked, white-sand beaches tended by underpaid dark skinned people?
• A book tour
• Jail

3. When you contemplate the First Lady, what are the words or phrases that comes to mind?

• Beautiful
• A brilliant bilingual woman with a degree in architecture
• Plagiarist
• Immigrant
• What the fuck?

4. Are you

• White
• Black
• Asian
• Male
• Female
• Both
• Neither
• Latin American
• Jewish
• Muslim
• Android
• D.D.
• A Yankee fan

5. When your mind casts back on the many bloopers that have occurred since Trump took office, which sticks in your craw?

• Trump’s anti-factual claim that his inauguration crowds were the biggest in US history.
• Trump’s anti-factual claim that he is in possession of “one of the highest IQ’s ever.”
• Trump’s declaration that “I am the Chosen One.”
• Trump’s claim that “I am the King of Israel.”
• Trump’s tweet urging four United States Congresswomen to “go back where you came from.”
• Trump’s asking a MAGA crowd in Florida how to stop the flow of immigrants, and then making a joke when a man in the crowd shouted, “shoot them.”
• How the fuck can you keep track of all of the terrible shit that has come out of this man’s vile mouth and spewed forth from his insane administration?

6. Which do you think are the most pressing problem that has grown boundlessly worse since Trump took office?

• Late night comics are getting way too much airtime.
• The President of the United States does not appear to speak, write, or comprehend Standard English.
• South Louisiana is on the verge of being permanently under water.
• the world has gone to hell in a hand basket.
• heil, Hitler!

7. If you were in charge of the future, what scenario or scenarios make your heart leap with glee?

• Federal prison
• Trump’s mansion in Florida is destroyed by a whopper storm.
• Trump’s business dealings—the entire nine yards—are revealed to be a total sham.
• Trump suffers a stroke but can’t get help when he has to make ka-ka because there are no immigrants left willing to do low-paid home-health work.
• Ivanka takes the veil.

8. When you read the newspaper or watch the news, do you

• get an ulcer
• get a headache
• have flashbacks to the time a boy you had a crush on in high school started dating one of your best friends
• wonder if you’re doing enough for help immigrants
• barf
• move to Canada

9. Are you a

• registered voter
• why vote when things suck no matter who’s in charge?

10. Have you ever been to

• Martha’s Vineyard
• on Safari
• Graceland
• to a 12-step meeting
• in jail on a charge of illegal possession of firearms

CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve completed our simple quiz. Just add up your score to find where you stand in the Trump-disordered-trauma spectrum, and where you might seek help

• If you scored between 1 and 7: Congratulations! You are a member of the top one percent within the GOP! Enjoy your massive tax cuts. Perhaps you need a new private jet to complete your collection.
• If you scored between 7 and 22: Not bad at all! Please do enjoy hunting deer so that you can stuff and mount their heads on your wall as decoration.
• If you scored between 22 and 30: Maalox anyone?
• If your scored between 30 and 40: Please stop believing that displaying yard signs that say things like “Hate Has No Home Here” and bumper stickers that say “coexist” or “Facts Matter” makes a shred of difference, and find a way to go door to door registering voters
• If your score is over 40: You’re in deep, mister. I feel sorry for you. How can you even sleep while half the country is more worried about the conclusion to “Orange is the New Black” than what’s happening to real-life people in real-life life? No wonder you have nightmares. You’re an extreme case, and for extreme cases, there’s only one cure: binge watch Randy Rainbow.