Satires

Let the People Decide!

Friday, September 10th, 2021

Published 3 years ago - Jonathan Zimmerman

Jonathan Zimmerman

University of Pennsylvania

“In Arizona, we are pro-parent. I want parents to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey, explaining why he opposes mask mandates in schools

“In Florida, we are pro-driver. I want drivers to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, explaining why he opposes prohibitions on drinking and driving

florida drivers — Illustration: Signe Wilkinson

“In South Dakota, we are pro-motorcycle. I want motorcyclists to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, explaining why she opposes speed limits for bikers

“In Texas, we are pro-cellphone. I want cell users to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Texas Gov. Greg Abbott, explaining why he opposes laws banning texting while driving

“In South Carolina, we are pro-walking. I want walkers to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, explaining why he opposes laws against jaywalking

“In Tennessee, we are pro-dog. I want dogs to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee, explaining why he opposes “pooper-scooper” laws requiring owners to clean up after their pets

“In Mississippi, we are pro-pollution. I want polluters to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves, explaining why he opposes prohibitions on littering

“In Kentucky, we are pro-smoker. I want smokers to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, explaining why he opposes laws banning smoking in restaurants and other public spaces

“In North Carolina, we are pro boom-box. I want boom-boxers to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—North Carolina Rep. Madison Cawthorn, explaining why he opposes public noise restrictions

“In Arkansas, we are pro-juror. I want jurors to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton, explaining why he opposes required jury duty

“In California, we are pro-taxpayer. I want taxpayers to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—California Rep. Kevin McCarthy, explaining why he opposes mandatory taxation

“In Georgia, we are pro-conspiracy. I want conspiracy theorists to do what they think is the right thing to do.”—Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, explaining why she thinks “Jewish lasers” started the California wildfires

Jonathan Zimmerman teaches education and history at the University of Pennsylvania. He is the author (with cartoonist Signe Wilkinson) of “Free Speech and Why You Should Give a Damn,” which was published in April by City of Light Press.

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