Hello, please review you purchase

Your review will help us inform other shoppers just like you

Start by rating it:

5 stars—These are the best paperclips in the world

4 stars—I really like these paperclips

3 stars—They’re okay

2 stars—Do they come in different colors?

1 star—I want paperclips made in America

To help us better serve our customers please answer the following questions by choosing the answer that best corresponds to how you feel about the topic being raised.

The reason I bought these paperclips was to:

1. clip loose papers together
2. pit cherries
3. shoot paperclips from rubber bands
4. clean my ears

I purchase paperclips:

1. when I run out of them
2. when I can’t steal them at work
3. when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars
4. what person in their right mind would remember when they last bought paperclips

When I do not have a paper clip around to fasten papers I use:

1. my daughter’s nail polish
2. my son’s lacrosse stick
3. Krazy Glue
4. The first ten amendments to the US Constitution

If you were stranded on a desert island with just a box of paperclips do you think you would:

1. construct a paperclip boat
2. build a paperclip sculpture
3. choreograph paperclip dance routines
4. open a clip joint to sucker in the local wildlife

The paperclip was invented by:

1. a college student trying to stay awake in class
2. a burglar trying to pick a lock
3.  a Twisted Sister
4. an extraterrestrial with nothing better to do

I think online surveys are:

1.  a good way for companies to get feedback on their products
2. a fun way for employees to kill time in the office when things are slow
3. evidence that human beings are moving down on the evolutionary ladder
4. a total and complete waste of time

If paper clips ruled the world:

1. Staples and Office Max would be the powers behind the throne
2. people would become more sensitive to the feelings of inanimate objects
3. wars would be fought by scotch tape armies using staple guns
4. there would be peace on earth, goodwill to glue

If you were to give names to the paperclips on your desk right now would you:

1. give them boy’s names
2. give them girl’s names
3. ask them what names they would like to be called
4. ask your friends to get you immediate psychiatric help

What did the paper clip say to the magnet:

1. “I find you very attractive”
2. “I loved ‘Iron Man,’ what did you think of the movie?”
3. “The Bible says it is better to give than to receive”
4.   Paperclips can’t talk, so probably nothing

Thank you for participating in this online survey. We see you also bought legal pads and rubber bands from us and we’d like to know how that worked out. To provide feedback on those purchases please go to www.I’vegotnothingbettertodowithmypoorpatheticlifethantofilloutdumbconsumersurveys.com. If we receive your responses within the next two days you will be put on a special list to receive additional surveys on commonplace consumer items for the rest of your life. FYI: You will not be charged for this service.