By Martin H. Levinson

After being indicted by the Department of Justice for obstruction and retention of classified documents stored at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump declared he is an innocent man. Duh! Of course, he’s innocent! Trump’s innocence is built into his character, which is one of rectitude and righteousness. The feds are going after Trump because they hate this icon of the working class who is not only America’s greatest living president, but the greatest living person on this planet—or any other planet. Let me explain why Trump is innocent in this case.

A president has the right to declassify documents and that’s what Trump, our nation’s president by virtue of the fact that the 2020 election was stolen, did. And he did it in a very clever fashion. Normally there is an official procedure to go through to declassify federal documents. But doing that lets others in the government know the documents are declassified. That would be okay if you could trust the people working for the government, but you would have to be nuts or smoking weed to trust that bunch of criminals. These are the folks who run a shakedown racket that takes your money each year in the form of income taxes. These are the folks who kill American business by placing regulations on food safety, the environment, and banking. Same folks who employ armed men and women to do their bidding, which, if they wanted to get your guns they could do because they have tanks, missiles, fighter jets and plenty of other powerful weapons and all you probably got are a dozen or so AR-15s, some shotguns, a few pistols, and maybe a couple thousand rounds of ammo.

How did Trump declassify the documents in question? He did so in his mind, the mind of a very stable genius, a mind Albert Einstein depended on to bring about the computer revolution, and a mind Bill Gates consulted more than once in coming up with his Theory of Relativity. When the docs were declassified though, Trump had a problem: how to hide them from government busybodies who might want them for themselves.

Trump solved that problem by shipping the docs to the Southern White House, aka Mar-a-Lago. To make sure they wouldn’t be found he stowed them all over the place: in a shower, an office, a bedroom, a ballroom, and a storage room. But the feds were hellbent to get those documents. They poked around Mar-a-Lago, asking people questions and demanding Trump send the docs back to DC. But why would he do that? Why would he surrender his power as President of the United States to declassify and hold government documents? Trump’s the head of the government, for God’s sake. Asking him to return the records he took to Mar-a-Lago would be like asking Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney, to surrender movie reels he brought to his home to look at so they could be hustled back to the Disney archives. Wouldn’t happen in a million years.

Some argue Joe Biden and Mike Pence voluntarily returned classified documents that were in their possession when the government asked them to, and Trump should have done likewise. Terrible argument. Those bozos didn’t declassify the documents they had, as they are too stupid to have thought of declassifying them in their minds. Moreover, they are weak people who don’t have the cojones to stand up to the mafia bosses who run the Department of Justice, which is why neither of them will ever be president.

Trying to get Trump on trumped-up charges is a slap in the face to anyone who reveres the rule of law, which has as one of its main tenets “possession is nine-tenths of the law.” Since the records the government wants are in Trump’s possession, Trump’s got nine-tenths of the law on his side and the government’s got the rest. Do the math, Trump haters, and stop harassing a man the Pope has said deserves to be canonized, something the head of Russia has already done. How about we focus on the future and not look back at the past. The world’s a scary and dangerous place and President Trump will need all his faculties to steer the country to safe harbor in the next few years. He’ll also be running for a third term in 2024. Enough with the distractions!