by Max Henry

With autumn just around the corner, the nation’s top health officials have issued a dire warning: avoid all social gatherings, except Alex’s wedding.

According to experts, social gatherings remain a major factor in the spread of COVID-19. Leading culprits of viral proliferation include house parties, funerals, and weddings—but not Alex’s, which will totally be fine.

Although case growth has slowed in many places, infections are on the rise in many college towns. And while Alex’s wedding venue is just minutes from the SUNY Oneonta campus, where 650 new cases have been confirmed in the last two weeks, he planned this wedding over a year ago, so let’s not act like he could’ve predicted this. Plus, the venue has a 70% cancellation fee.

Still on the fence about Alex’s wedding? When deciding whether or not to attend, experts remind us to keep older family members in mind.

For instance, consider Alex’s parents. They brag about his upcoming wedding to everyone they meet! If Alex’s parents were to lose their chance to attend his nuptials, it would not only break their hearts, it would crush everyone in their retirement home.

What could be more important than celebrating the eternal union of Alex and his gorgeous bride to be— what’s her name again? Mindy? Minnie? Steph? I’ve only hung out with her once, in a group setting, on a day trip to Coney Island. She seemed super nice! I didn’t really talk to her, but she watched all our bags while we rode the Cyclone.

The CDC is quick to point out that someone as lovely as her—whatever her name is—must have tons of friends and family flying in from all over the country. And while Alex’s wedding will be a very safe and chill time, there are certain risks associated with traveling to the ceremony.

However, those risks must be measured against that night Alex babysat you when you tried Molly for the first time. You were a total mess, dude.

And me? Look, Alex has had my back ever since we did that summer internship together in 2015. Sure, we don’t talk much anymore, but we still like each other’s posts on Instagram pretty regularly. I know he’ll be super busy the day of the wedding, but the three-minute conversation we’ll have during the reception will feel like picking up right where we left off.

Because real friends remain close no matter how many years, life experiences, travel advisories, surgical masks, or feet of recommended physical distancing come between them.

Max Henry is a New York City-based actor and writer. Yep. He’s one of those. Max began his time in New York at Late Show with David Letterman, worked on the Drama Desk Award-winning Queen of the Night, and recently served as part of the originating cast/devising team for the hit immersive experience ZeroSpace. He also once had a three-way slow dance with Emma Stone and Alan Cumming.