By David Alpaugh

Millions of contemporary readers are ignoring great books, turned off by titles that strike them as inaccessible, politically incorrect, or hopelessly retro. The classics can remain relevant to the Facebook generation—but only if editors muster the courage to make minor but necessary revisions such as the following titles suggest:

The Heart Is A Lonely Tweeter

Uncle Tom’s Condo

Tobacco Free Road

The Catcher in the Cannabis

Zen and the Art of Facebook Maintenance

Finnegan’s Cremation

As I Lay Frozen (with a preface by Ted Williams)

A Rolex Orange

Fed-X Only Knocks Once

Topper Takes a Carnival Cruise

Gone With Solyndra

Death of a Hedge Fund Trader

Bartleby the Occupier

Meth in Venice

Jude the Publicity Wonk

Franny and Zuckerberg

The Sisters Kardashian

Go Tell It on the Maddow

Depravity’s Rainbow

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Wed

X-Rated Makeovers:

A Tale of Two Titties

Moby’s Dick

Lord of the Thighs

The Old Man and the Semen

Butch Assidy and the Bundance Kid

The Celebrated Humping Frog of Calaveras County