by Michael J. Mangano

Since Ex-President Trump’s recent comment to Sean Hannity that he could declassify documents just “by thinking about it,” speculation has abounded that Trump had possibly joined the likes of Wolverine, Storm, Cyclops, and especially Professor X (with his remarkable telepathic powers). But with one major exception:  those characters are fictional, Trump is real…possibly the first real X-Man.  

“See?” a member of QAnon is reported to have remarked.  “We told you so.”

Many are wondering that, if this is true, if ex-president Trump really has this remarkable power to dramatically affect events just by thinking about them, when did he become aware of it?  (Surely not till after the last election…otherwise it would have really been rigged.)  And, more importantly, how will he use this extraordinary ability in the future?  

Will he utilize his mind-power to get Letitia James to fall in love with him, the way Kim Jong-un did, and drop all charges against him and his family?

Will he mentally order his niece, Mary, to explain to the world that what she meant about his having psychological issues really meant that he possessed this remarkable psychological ability?

Will he somehow use his mind to cloud Anna Wintour’s mind and induce her to finally put Melania on the cover of Vogue?

And to what degree can his cognitive power affect inanimate objects: for example, will he be able to use his mind to direct one of his 30-foot putts directly into the cup?  Or command his hair to cease blowing in the wind and exposing his bald pate?

There is also talk of his creating a new reality show, The Real X-Men, which, as of now, he would be the sole star of.  However, it may turn out that his mental gift is genetic and passed on to one or more of his children (Ivanka seems to be favored, and Eric a definite long shot).

Since his stunning statement to Sean Hannity, Mr. Trump has been exceptionally closemouthed about his self-alleged ability, rumored to be avoiding telephone calls and dreading the fact that he might be asked to use his power to help someone other than himself – especially Rudy Giuliani, who, between his alimony payments, his bizarre statements and equally bizarre dye job, seems to have become especially needy lately.

The country – correction, the world – is said to be holding their collective breath and waiting to learn if the Ex really is an X and does have this extraordinary mental power…or was his statement about declassifying the White House documents just “by thinking about it” possibly the most fucking ridiculous statement he’s ever made.