A gentleman shall, when entertaining the company of a wife and a mistress at the same time, break the news of his affair to his spouse in a matter befitting a courteous and honorable person. Given the severity of the circumstances, a gentleman must be thoughtful with such a revelation. He should understand the delicate nature of the situation and take into account the likelihood that the woman to whom he first proclaimed his undying devotion may suffer a reasonable degree of disheartenment.

On such an occasion, one must disclose his desire for duplicity to his marital partner first and foremost. Under no circumstances shall he tell the guys at work, boast to his bros on the hockey team or strut in front of strangers in a bar during an out-of-town business trip. He shall not change his Facebook status to “it’s complicated” or post photos of himself and his lady friend celebrating New Year’s Eve in formal attire at 2 a.m. In good society, men are forthright and courteous. Any actions to the contrary are evidence of ill-breeding and recklessness.

In breaking this news to one’s spouse, it becomes quite necessary to show respect and discretion. A gentleman should refrain from leaving saucy emails open on the family computer and holding cellphone conversations that are easily overheard. After all, the bathroom door is just a plank of wood, not a portal to a land where sound ceases to exist! It is customary for a gentleman to change his social media password to something smarter than his lover’s first name and date of birth. Furthermore, he will resist the temptation to write clichéd text messages on his phone, then accidentally send those messages to his wife instead of his side piece.

People who lie too easily are apt to get caught in the tangled web of those lies. It becomes necessary to be honest – or, in the absence of honesty, to keep one’s story straight. Be careful with the details. Refrain from telling friends that your bride left suddenly in the night, draining the bank accounts and taking the child with her. Such stories might lead acquaintances to wonder how the gentleman had means to purchase the new BMW that’s parked in his driveway or how he paid for the fresh ink that stretches from one unclothed shoulder to the other. The tactful person understands how to tell a convincing lie.

Of course, it is in poor taste to discuss finances in mixed company. A gentleman will be wise to open a private banking account, through which he shall purchase red roses by the dozens, along with Kate Spade handbags, sushi dinners and trips to Atlantic City for his newly acquired girlfriend, thereby ensuring that no bank statement shall never reach the gaze of his unsuspecting wife. A cowardly man might buy such elaborate gifts and luxuries with his marital savings account, ensuring that his spouse discovers his transgressions in the most confusing, deceitful manner possible. A careful gentleman shall think ahead and take precautions to spare the feelings of those around him, particularly his partner of eleven, almost twelve, years.

In such circumstances as these, it may become necessary for one party or another to leave the family home. Upon doing so, a gentleman shall stay in regular contact with his child, who despite being only two years old misses her father and understands that something in her household has gone awry. He will call regularly, preferably at the child’s bedtime, to ask about her day and perhaps read her a story over the telephone. On the subject of holidays, he shall send his daughter a greeting card on her birthday and a modest gift at Christmas, instead of spending all his time and all his money on the mistress and her three children.

And when his situation finally goes to Family Court, a gentleman shall show up on time, be polite and endear himself to the judge. He shall not skip mediation sessions, custody hearings, or the final decree of his divorce. Instead, he will be prompt and act fair. He will take responsibility for his mistakes and may even go so far as to offer a sincere and heartfelt apology. But above all else, he will dedicate himself to being a good father and promise to be a better friend than he was a husband. In times like these, it is the gentlemanly thing to do.