Donald Trump: A Modern Day Jesus

By Martin H. Levinson

What’s the difference between Jesus and Donald Trump? Only that they lived about 2000 years apart. Other than that, they’re the same guy.

To wit, Jesus was sinless and lived perfectly. Likewise, Trump—a man whose life has been a model of integrity and honor, as the women in his past would tell you if they hadn’t signed NDAs that restrict their ability to talk about such things. Jesus was nailed to the cross by Roman authorities because he was thought a political threat. Trump is being crucified by Democrat prosecutors for the same reason. Jesus was a messenger from God. Trump announced on Truth Social that he was a herald from the Lord and added “a shepherd to mankind,” which is pretty obvious from the way he fleeces his flock and anyone else he has commercial dealings with.

Trump is filled with the spirit of the Almighty, so much so that he is currently selling a God Bless the USA Bible, adorned with the American flag and the lyrics of Lee Greenwood’s song of the same name, handwritten by the singer, plus the Constitution, Declaration of Independence, and Pledge of Allegiance. Trump’s Good Book sells online for the ridiculously low price of $59.99, the cost of 16.7 gallons of gas or less than what you’d have to pay to fill up your tractor. Trump spoke about his Bible on Truth Social, saying, “All Americans need a Bible in their home, and I have many. It’s my favorite book.” Of course it’s his favorite book, one that, if you look at the pure and saintly life he has lived, he probably knows by heart and one that is infinitely better than another world leader’s sacred writing, Mein Kampf, which an ex-wife said Trump kept beside his bed.

The theme of Jesus Christ’s message was the good news of the Kingdom of God. This is made clear by Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Trump’s good news message concerns a different kingdom, one just as praiseworthy as God’s Kingdom but perhaps a bit more partisan, namely the Kingdom of Make America Great Again Like It Was Before the LGBTQ Community, Immigrants from Shithole Countries, and the Intellectual Elites Fucked It All Up. His message is being loudly proclaimed through the gospels of Hannity, Ingraham, and Gutfeld.

People use the phrase “What Would Jesus Do?” to remind themselves of their belief in a moral imperative to act in a manner demonstrating the love of Jesus through their actions. There is not an equivalent well-known phrase concerning Trump, but the insurrection that took place on January 6, 2020, is a concrete indication that MAGA nation is all in on behaving in ways that demonstrate the love of Trump through their actions. interestingly, when people use the locution “What Would Trump Do,” it typically comes from individuals on the left who are worried if Trump is elected president in 2024 the policies he’ll put in place will cause the nation to go to hell, which is ridiculous. Donald Trump is not the devil, but an angel sent from heaven to lead the people to the promised land, aka Trump-branded golf courses, condos, and hotel rooms.

For virtue to triumph over evil in the upcoming election it is imperative for people to vote for Donald Trump. His reelection to the presidency, which will be the Second Coming, is vital for our great country to take its rightful place as a beacon for all those who value belief over reason as the best way to live. God bless the United States. And God bless Donald Trump, a selfless martyr who has been indicted for our sins and a savior and emissary to help America pray again.