by Mary Louisa Cappelli

Every Fall I’m asked to write letters of recommendation for students seeking to attend a private college or, in some cases, out-of-state public university.  So, I spend my weekends writing these creative pieces detailing the brilliant attributes of these eager scholars.  I provide credible personal testimony as to students’ academic strengths noting their critical thinking and writing skills, leadership qualities, positive contribution to classroom discourse, eagerness to learn, maturity, and positive responses to setbacks.  Every Fall, I “strongly” recommend “with utmost enthusiasm” (code words for yes, choose him/her/them) “dedicated,” “intelligent,” and “sophisticated” scholars to various national flagship colleges.

This year is different. Yes, there is always a degree of fiction in writing these letters: can a student with a 3.3 truly be a “genius” or “top scholar”?  The answer is no, not really; however, in today’s America, with a stretch of the imagination—maybe?  I try to visualize and write about the best and most positive attributes of the candidate. I can imagine that if David hadn’t really stolen the Hamlet exam off my desk before the test on that one rare occasion, he is otherwise “honest” and “respected amongst faculty and peers.”  After all, David was “willing to take risks” and “think outside the box” and “demonstrate leadership skills” similar to our own former U.S. president.

This year, Covid forced the 2020/2021 academic year to be taught solely on Zoom and my recollection of the personal attributes of my 35 students seeking letters of recommendation is rather blurry. Was Charlotte the student in the right-hand corner of the screen zooming from her unlit bathroom?  Or was Charlotte the one in the center screen seventh box using a picture of Tabby her white Lab, instead of appearing live on screen?  Beats me!  And does it matter anyway since most of these letters are as far-fetched as calling a cheater “an out-of-the-box thinker”?

I recognize that I have lost all integrity in writing these letters.  So, what would happen if this year, I shared truthful observations about the candidates and revealed authentic student engagement in the classroom, authentic experiences of academic performance and qualifications.

Here it goes:

November 14, 2021

Dear Admissions Committee,

*Note: Lara has chosen they as their preferred pronoun and so I will respect their wishes and address them accordingly.

I first met Lara Wiener in their junior year in my online AP English Zoom class which met for two hours each week on alternating days. A rigorous schedule to say the least. The best way to describe Lara is for their creative classroom contribution.  I, for one, can testify to their high visibility when during a class on Henry David Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience, they appeared in a Victoria Secret, pink silk and lace camisole from the comfort of their queen-sized four-poster bed. Quite a suggestive enactment of the passionate princess they most certainly is! It did not matter that they often confused Henry David Thoreau with Patrick Henry, or Anne Bradstreet with Phillis Wheatley for we all knew they spoke from the privileged position of their imperial 800-fill-power European white goose down comforter.

Lara’s commanding voice is quite impressive as well as when they speak, they demonstrate personal agency and command rapt attention. We all personally enjoyed the time during a Socratic seminar on Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, when Lara forgot to mute and turn off their camera and screamed, “Shut the f*king door, mom!  Geeze, you are such a b**atch!” Calmly, Lara preceded to puff on their JUULpod to everyone’s engaged astonishment. Lara’s zeal and calm under pressure certainly pushes the conventions of educational boundaries demonstrating leadership under fire.

Applying themself with persistence and dedication, Lara also never fails to do the minimum of class assignments. On one particular 5-7 page literary analysis on The Great Gatsby, Lara turned in a 3-pager that explores “the disappearance of the American dream in an era of unprecedented prosperity and material excess”–an admirable word-for-word transcription from Spark Notes. Yes, Lara’s clever character epitomizes how noble goals for high grades and academic accolades surpasses all expectations.

Lara’s delightful mother has certainly encouraged their academic success as there isn’t a test below an A that goes by unnoticed and unchallenged.  According to Mrs. Weiner, whose pronouns are she and her, Lara is “an A student headed to an Ivy School,” so I’m quite confident in her political finesse to press upon your academic community these strong points. Whether she is making phone calls, launching Avaaz Anti-Vax campaigns, or raising money for those important development campaigns, Mrs. Weiner, like her daughter Lara, will work effortlessly on her behalf.

Lara Weiner is an authentic individual, a cultural by-product of these interesting times—a vibrant firecracker on a globally parched landscape. A decision to accept Lara into your fine university is a no-brainer. They is indeed one of the most unique neoliberal postmodern young ladies I have had the pleasure to teach both at the high school and college level. I understand it is a heavy choice as a great deal is at stake—the future of education, and the future of our democracy. The choice is yours. Therefore, it is with utmost enthusiasm that I strongly recommend you to choose wisely.

Sincerely,

Mary Louisa Cappelli, MFA, JD, PhD

AP English Teacher

College Board Consultant