By Mollie Fermaglich

John Legend re-wrote, (without being asked), the classic song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside, because, apparently, the world needed a “woke” version of this Academy Award-winning song by Frank Loesser, also composer and lyricist of such Broadway shows as “Guys and Dolls,” and “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.”

Loesser, who turns in his grave, managed to text the following: “Shout-out to John Legend – “Stay in your own lane. You’re married to Chrissy Teigen – best not to draw unnecessary attention to yourself.”

BABY, YOU’VE GOT A BIG MOUTH

 I’m really upset, (baby, you’ve got a big mouth)
Who’d ever have guessed, (Babe, a really big mouth)
I can’t believe, (Stop tweeting, my dear)
They all hate me now, (just the whole hemisphere)
I’m really not mean, (Yes, you can be at times)
Yes, sometimes I slip, (Well, it’s not quite a crime)
My fans are going to wonder, (Baby, you made a big blunder)
I don’t think the world is fair, (Maybe you should say a prayer)

But what did I do? (You just have to stop)
I was just having fun (and so was Pol Pot)
Everyone tweets! (But you took it too far)
It just isn’t fair! (no more superstar.)
But I need my fans (should’ve thought of that first)
I know that I’m missed (girl, I’m feeling your thirst)
But I’m your wife, don’t they know? (Shhh! Keep your voice
way down low!)

You can do something, my love (you’re on your own, should’ve
just “delete”)
I just called out the right (keep those thoughts in your head)
Christy Stodden’s a wimp (Babe, that’s better unsaid)
Well, I know my next tweet (No, please don’t you dare)
It’s a tweet just for you (Babe, I know that you care)
You took a good song (I updated, I’m woke)
You ruined a good song (Baby, surely you joke)
“Text me when you get home?” (it’s a non-sexist song)
The first version was fine, (Baby, sometimes you’re wrong)
My cookware’s nowhere (it’s the price you must pay)
My cookbook’s gone too (You should start to crochet)
Will this ever end? (Your Q-rating’s gone south)
Why are they picking on me? (Baby, you’ve got a big mouth)
But…You’ve got a big mouth
Just a…I’ll sing it again
John…Babe, you’ve got a big mouth!
A really big mouth!
The biggest damn mouth!

So, I wished a dirt bath, (Babe, you wished someone dead)
What’s wrong with a bath? (Babe, what’s wrong with your head?)