700th Friendly Reminder Email Re: Letter of Recommendation

by Giannina Lissa Garcés Ambrossi

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To: ProfessorDoctorClementineEsq@Miami.edu

From: e.gonzalez792@umiami.edu

Subject: 700^th Friendly Email Reminder Re: Letter of Recommendation

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Dear Professor Clementine,

I hope your Fourth of July, Labor Day, Back To School, Veteran’s Day, Halloween, Día De Los Muertos, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and every other holiday that’s passed in the absolute eternity since you agreed to write me a letter of recommendation have been joyous and healthy!

Did you happen to catch my last email, where I wrote my own LOR, as you requested? I absolutely sympathize if you didn’t get a chance to review it yet – this time of year is packed. In addition to applying to 109 law schools with their attendant Financial Aid forms, I’ve also been studying for finals, tutoring in the Writing Center, scouring eBay for secondhand PowerScore LSAT Bibles, and altering End of Life Goals for my Alzheimer’s-ridden Abuelita, just to name a few things.

(I even tutored your daughter once! Such a joyous occasion: she informed me I was “the only non-fucking-incompetent in this whole place.”)

The new Mrs. Clementine’s hundreds of Instagram Stories from the Four Seasons Maldives Private Honeymoon Overwater Villas show that these past many, many, MANY excruciatingly long months have been especially busy for you, too! Congratulations! (I’m not a stalker, I promise! I knew Jenna before she was an influencer, back when she was a senior and I was a freshman. She might not remember me, but I waitressed at the SAE Brothers’ “Delta Gamma Girls” Final Sweetheart Formal, where she reminded me white pants aren’t for everyone. Even if she hadn’t thrown up on me that night, I never would’ve worn those again: she was absolutely right!)

It really is so true that the “Northeastern Liberal Cabal” of the Ivy Leagues will probably brainwash me into a “Woke Troll,” but even so, I’d like to give it an honest try. At least, I’d like to complete my application before prematurely aging myself two decades worrying if you’ll keep your promise to support me, like you “kept your promise” of fidelity to the prior Mrs. Clementine. I definitely understand where you’re coming from, that you “hesitate to feed me to the wolves,” but, as you mentioned: Harvard Law produced DeSantis, right?

As the senior most faculty in our own esteemed Law School, who else’s imprimatur would carry as much weight? Who else can say they’ve never before bestowed the Senior Essay Award to an undergrad, in spite of overseeing generations of would-be jurists? Who else would I still be wasting my physical time and psychic efforts writing to, instead of enjoying my last student-loan-repayment-immune moments of freedom?

I would love to implore you to write my LOR before the upcoming December Holidays (I know you used to require saying “Christmas,” but I’m not sure if that’s changed after marrying Jenna?) Some schools may have rolling admissions. And why not bask in this glorious pre-deposition instant, before there’s confirmation or denial of the payola rumors?

As always, thank you for not seeing color, for supporting women, and for defending liberty. I hope this desperate plea to complete a task – for once in your life, beyond the Old-Boy’s-Law-Network of gator hunting/exporting my fellow legal Venezuelans – hasn’t emasculated you!

All my very best,

Eliza

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Eliza González

Foote Fellows Honors Scholar