Worst Side Story

Star-cross’d lovers when first they met
The tale—Romeo and Juliet—
Contains Love, Death, Betrayal…the lot.
(Without which, of course, there’d be no plot)

Alas our Juliet and Romeo
They loved too much and had to go!
Had they survived, would married life
Have brought our pair delight or strife?

“Oh Romeo, drudge! Wherefore art thou?”
“I’m HERE, you rancorous, Capulet cow!
What light through yonder window breaks?
Revealing wrinkles, teeth—all fakes!”

“You shallow toad! I am your spouse!!
A plague I set upon your house.
You heartless Cur, you…you…Montague!
I kissed a lot of frogs for you!”

With that, she kicks him where it hurts
And rips up all his silken shirts

And Romeo of course hits back
And tells her that her “bum looks fat”

And thus, the pair cause quite a din
Until old Nursie hurries in

She comes with poison and with knives
And forces them…to take their lives!

And so here ends our troubled tale
With love grown rancid, bitter, stale.

The moral of the story’s this:
To live in deep romantic bliss
And win the title ‘Love’s Young Dream’
Don’t live past Shakespeare’s final scene.