Joe Biden Is a Liar (We Didn’t Start the Fire)

By Mollie Fermaglich

He may be 80 years old, he may shake hands with the air.

So what if he asked a paraplegic to stand up, who cares if he thinks Vermont is New Hampshire, Iowa for Ohio, and who thinks the United States is bordered by the Pacific and Indian Oceans?

Yes, I know he’s old, but just look at all the life experience our 44th…38th…eleventhieth…Heinz 57th…? President of the United States has had. Come on, man!

Sing along with me!

Joe Biden is a Liar

Electrician, valet parker, mathematician, sideshow barker
Friend of Churchill, Patton’s pal, fought at Waterloo
Cop defender, Braille inventor, dance instructor, Einstein mentor
Girl Scout leader, hula dancer, mayor of the Hague
Telling stories, likes to lie, installed mirrors at Versailles
Eagle Scout, majorette, cured Bubonic Plague
Math professor, church confessor, word processor, window dresser
Navy captain, farmer, silversmith, cabinetmaker

Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
Making up such stories, every category
Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
he’s a big bullshitter, verbal counterfeiter

Merchant seaman, leech collector, art professor, gold prospector
Saved Mandela, inflation czar, border securer
Eagle Scout, baritone, clergyman, Al Capone
Fisherman, handyman, percussionist
Dog walker, tightrope walker, deer stalker, beta blocker
Pastry chef, Hunter’s bag man, knew Vermeer, stove repairman
Country singer, engineer, architect, Mouseketeer
Bearded lady, Greyhound driver, tuba player, deep-sea diver

Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
Making up such stories, every category
Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
he’s a big bullshitter, verbal counterfeiter

Dr. Jill’s a real MD, Hunter’s cool in BVDs
Train conductor, first in law school, hair sniffer
Wrote the U.S. Constitution, invented sugar substitution
Oscar winner, Tony winner, Miss Kansas, USA
Tax accessor, church confessor, word processor, window dresser
Flight attendant, undertaker, Black Sabbath keyboards
Legal scholar, beat Al Qaeda, marched in Selma, hot barmaid-a
Milliner, sommelier, paramour Charlotte Corday

Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
Making up such stories, every category
Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
he’s a big bullshitter, verbal counterfeiter

Plastic surgeon, set designer, film director, forty-niner
Violinist, art director, contortionist
Ghost writer, Mother Goose, plumber, Greek god Zeus
Paralegal, ballad monger, bested Bobby Flay
Dude rancher, picture framer, movie usher, lion tamer
Bulb inventor, high school mentor, architect of Epcot Center
Flier pilot, coxswain, half-brother from Bahrain
Matchstick maker, ballerina, make-up artist

Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
Making up such stories, every category
Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
he’s a big bullshitter, verbal counterfeiter

Beefeater, Exchequer, bombardier, Mr. Big’s chauffeur
Underwriter, understudy, underworld boss
His Amtrak conductor pal, BFFs with Blaise Pascal
Academic, astronaut, fought against the San Culottes
Oscar Wilde muse, vet tech, arts-and-crafts counselor
Oppenheimer’s right-hand man, CEO – Kazakhstan
Dog walker, sleepwalker, fast talker, paper hawker
Trombone player, pro bowler, master plumber

Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
Making up such stories, every category
Joe Biden is a liar
He can’t help but do it, says there’s nothing to it
Joe Biden is a liar
he’s a big bullshitter, verbal counterfeiter

###