Intelligence Agencies “Live in Fear”

WASHINGTON – Many Trump supporters are convinced that Trump’s promise to “drain the swamp” is right on track.

“Trump is playing 3-D Chess against the Deep State. And he’s kicking their butt!” said Cletus Jeukel, spokesperson for an organization called CRETIN 2020, the Committee to Re-Elect Trump in November (2020).

“Trump has plugged up all the leaks in his ship of state. He knows who the leakers are. He knows where they live. We knew that once Trump had the full power of the Presidency that draining the swamp would be a walk in the park.”

“The so-called military-industrial complex are in fact just a bunch of amateurs. How did they ever think they could compete with the amazing, strategic mind of Donald Trump? All the members of CRETIN are looking forward to a big win in 2020.”

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“Drain the swamp” has entered the parlance of our time as a shorthand for removing alleged “Deep State” entrenched corruption within the U.S. government and related industries: defense contractors, media organizations, and consultants.

Anonymous “deep state” sources have expressed concern that Trump may be winning.

“I think Trump is doing a great job of draining the trump—I mean the swamp,” stated a journalist and self-described “ex-ex-CIA agent,” who called himself Karl Manson.

“The Swamp is definitely on the run. The Swamp continues to try to undermine ‘the Donald,’ but Trump is far too wily for our poor, understaffed intelligence agencies to cope with. Trump consistently outfoxes us. Some agencies have issued reports that Trump has been honing his world-class, 4-Dimensional chess skills against Vladimir Putin whenever he gets a chance, including at the Helsinki summit.”

“Most intelligence agencies now live in fear of Trump, that he will unmask their corruption and media influence,” stated Manson.

“Please support larger budgets for all 17 U.S. intelligence agencies so that we have a chance against this multi-talented genius. In addition to your tax dollars, please donate to the CIA. Whatever you can. We are working to make the CIA a tax-deductible 501(c)(3) charity in time for the 2020 election. In addition to our other good works, the CIA has an illustrious history of producing literary works, which we hope will make the IRS look kindly upon our application to become a non-profit literary organization,” Manson stated hopefully.

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Media critic Jesus Angleton Dulles of Langley University agreed that Trump was effectively undermining the successful co-operation between intelligence agencies and news organizations.

“The CIA and FBI are becoming terrified of having any contacts whatsoever with news agencies, even with formerly reliable assets such as CNN’s Anderson Cooper. They are afraid they will be exposed by Trump’s intelligence network, including intelligence mastermind Jared Kushner,” said Dulles.

“Despite the Agency’s $600 million contract with Jeff Bezos, owner of the Washington Post, the CIA’s feeble attempts to influence that paper’s story-line never succeed. Trump is on it. And under Bezos, The Post puts its journalistic integrity and care for its workers far above profits, as the Post always has; just like the movie The Post—which was not made with any Agency influence whatsoever—attests. Call it a hunch, but I bet The Post will clean up at the Oscars this year.”

“At least it is clear that Operation Mockingbird is finally dead forever,” said Dulles.