By Boaz Dvir

WASHINGTON, DC—In a brilliant strategic move that cements his reputation as a brilliant strategist who makes moves no one else has ever imagined, GPOAT (Greatest President Of All Times) Donald J. Trump has sued to prevent all 50 states and the District of Columbia from counting the 2024 presidential election ballots.

“The fake-news media and the bad-news Democrats have conspired to steal the next presidential election, and most likely the one after that too,” the GPOAT said during a live-wire press conference on Sunday morning in front of a church.

The law-and-order commander-in-chief provided all the proof he and his supporters needed to make an undebatable case that left-wing fraud is here and that it is here to stay.

“If you count only the legal votes, I will easily win in 2024,” said Trump, noting that left-wing voter fraud is so rampant, it may have corrupted presidential elections through 2048—and beyond. “But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.”

Asked how many re-elections he plans to seek, Trump said he’s modeling his trajectory after President George Bush.

“Bush had his first re-election stolen, too—by the same people, by the way, the lock-‘em-up Clintons,” Trump said. “So what did Bush do? He ran again and again until he exposed all the corruption and finally had his re-election validated in 2000. He ran once again in 2004 and won. Then one day he died. I don’t know why. Maybe the Clintons made him dead.”

Told he was confusing George H. W. Bush and his son, George W. Bush, Trump mocked the interloping reporter for serving up a “perfect example of fake news.”

“See what they do? They make up stuff,” Trump said. “Two Bushes? C’mon. How stupid do you think I am? This is just one more piece of evidence that the media rig elections. We won’t let that happen. Not as long as I’m president or running for president or thinking about running for president.”

Then he paused and ended with, “This is why I always say, A presidency in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Boaz Dvir is a Penn State assistant professor of journalism and an award-winning nonfiction storyteller. His latest book, “Saving Israel: The Unknown Story of Smuggling Weapons and Winning a Nation’s Independence,” was recently published by Rowman & Littlefield.