By Karen Rile

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made an unprecedented foray into the Olympic sports world today, tweeting that the US Biathlon team will adopt AK-47 assault rifles for use in competition going forward.

The announcement provoked shockwaves throughout the insular world of the biathlon, a Nordic-style race that combines cross country skiing and marksmanship.

“Little guns are for losers!” Trump said in his 3 am tweet storm. The President’s interest in Biathlon reportedly began half an hour earlier, when he watched a late-night rerun of a 2018 NBC winter sports special.

“Stronger, faster US guns will thwart savage sicko skiers from very bad and terrible countries like Biafra and failing Sweden. Now they can never win a shooting contest with us! America First!” said the President.

Republican lawmakers rushed to affirm their support for the President’s proposal. “Americans need to maintain their competitive edge in all things military, commerce, and athletic. Which is why I support AK-47s for biathlon competitions across the board, on the national, collegiate, and high school level,” tweeted Rep. Aloysius Nuthatch (R. Mississippi), whose state has no biathlon or other cross-country ski teams.

Reaction from the biathlon world was swift and frantic.

“I think the President is confused about the purpose of our sport,” tweeted Molly Mulhern, current US Women’s Individual 15K Champion. “We don’t shoot each other; we shoot at targets.”

“Targets are just a phony stand-ins for real people!” tweeted Trump. “Show these loser countries America is great—we have the Strongest and Most Powerful Guns and we will win the Biafalawn fight! #KAGA2020!”

“We may not be as big as football, but you still have no authority to change the rules of our sport,” tweeted Jake Hannigan, former two-time Men’s 15K Sprint champion.

Later this morning the President called for the dissolution of the USBA and the institution of a new governing body for the sport.

“The failing US Biathan association is past its prime,” tweeted the President. “Who brings a colonial musket to a gunfight? Sad! My new organization – the BABA USA- Bad Ass Biathlan Association USA will keep America safe from crazy sickos.”

“Next national league Bathlon competition featuring AK-47s, I predict the biggest crowd ever,” tweeted the President. “Shock and awe!”