By Lew Tucker

WASHINGTON, DC – In another move to distract from his impeachment woes President Trump has once again gone to his big “bag of bright shiny objects.” The latest is the launch of a self-aggrandizing video game which was announced and sold at his recent Mississippi rally. The President’s actions have drawn the ethical ire of watchdog organizations such as the Daughters for Draining the Swamp. Specifically, he is accused of engaging in a conflict of interest and a breach of security by contracting with Russian gaming giant ZeptoLab, OOO (which supposedly has close ties to the Kremlin) to launch his video game Die Like a Dog. The game is modelled suspiciously close to Counter-Strike (the Osama Bin Laden take down product marketed by Valve Corporation) and depicts the successful US Navy Seals raid earlier this year which resulted in the death of ISIS leader Marwan al Bagdhadi in his Syrian hideout.  The video game features Trump leading a team of Navy Seals, screaming the catchy epithet “YOU ARE GOING TO DIE LIKE A DOG” at terrorists before neutralizing them. It should be noted that the developers realistically depict the actions of the “friendlies” up to the highest game level at which point Bagdhadi is killed in the tunnel. At this juncture Trump actually demanded (and despite artistic reservations was acceded to) that the final scenario be played out in a hand to hand combat denouement where, after overcoming debilitating bone spur pain, he decapitates the terrorist “scum” (instead of the actual suicide bomb outcome).

Critics note that, plagiarism issues aside, not only will Trump be illicitly earning royalties, but he also may have compromised national security in sharing classified information with the Russian developer on the tactical and strategic details of the operation. In addition, the Federal Elections Commission has filed a complaint stating that the Keep America Great in 2020 (KAG) logo on the package is an in-kind foreign contribution to the Trump campaign and is thus illegal. When asked to comment, White House shadow spokesperson Rudolph Giuliani insightfully observed, “Of course the KAG logo is an illegal in-kind contribution from a foreign operative, we do that all the time until it’s not!! And hey, since when is bolstering the image of the President as an American hero less important than some stupid secrets divulged to Putin. So, stop acting like idiots on the video game thing already! Jeesh!”

When queried on this latest development, the normally reserved, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi emphatically stated that, “I have contacted Committee Chairpersons Schiff, Nadler, Neale, Waters, and Maloney to coordinate their efforts in launching an investigation of this sleazy behaviour…the American people have the right to know what a faux hero this incompetent, corrupt, cowardly incarnation of Benito Mussolini actually is!”