Secret Service Denies RFK, Jr Protection Again After Armed Man Infiltrates His Security

“No one has ever shot a Kennedy and gotten away with it.”

WASHINGTON – The US Secret Service has again denied Democratic Presidential candidate,  Robert F. Kennedy, JR., its protection, as is customary for US Presidential candidates.

Kennedy has repeated his request for secret service protection after an armed gunman, disguised as a US Marshall, penetrated security at Kennedy’s event at the Wilshire Ebell Theatre in Los Angeles to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month. The Kennedy campaign also stated that police “took custody” of a second man that allegedly came to the event.

The location was less than two miles from where Kennedy’s father, Robert F. Kennedy, was shot and killed, shortly after winning the 1968 California Democratic Presidential Primary.

“Look, no one has ever shot a Kennedy and gotten away with it,” stated assistant Secret Service Spokesperson, Adam Sandler (no relation). “Lee Harvey Oswald….Sirhan Sirhan….That other guy. They all totally got caught.”

The Secret Service’s official explanation for denying Kennedy protection was that the November 2024 election is still too far away.

“And with all due respect, Mr. Kennedy doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning anyway, so it would be a waste of our precious bodily fluids to protect him at this time. We will give him protection next year, 90 days before the general election. If he’s still alive,” said Sandler.

Kennedy claims he is the “first presidential candidate in history” to be denied protection after requesting it.

#

The Secret Service’s denial of protection to Robert Kennedy, Jr. was followed by a rash of purported leaks on social media, allegedly from texts Secret Service staff exchanged privately amongst themselves in reaction to Kennedy’s request.

Leaked texts from Secret Service agents on various alternative X (formerly Twitter) and TikTok accounts included:

“Maybe we could put our new agent, Sirhan Sirhan III, to guard RFK, Jr.”

“Kennedy is not a viable candidate. Only credible candidates such as President Biden and Vice President Harris should be given secret service protection.

“We are too busy guarding Biden and all of his body doubles. LOL.”

“No one has ever killed a Kennedy JR in a plane crash either, not even George W. Bush.”

“I don’t know why RFK, Jr. keeps asking for Secret Service protection. It’s not like the Secret Service was any good at protecting JFK or RFK anyway.”