MOSCOW – Russian Foreign Secretary Boris Lunanov announced today that Russia has always known that the 1969 Apollo moon landings were faked by NASA. “We have been sitting on the evidence for 50 years, having a good laugh every time the Americans brag about their supposed technological supremacy,” said Lunanov. “They are better at making movies. Sadly, Russian cinema may have peaked in 1925 with Battleship Potemkin.”

“But everybody knows that during the 1960s Russia was way ahead of the U.S. in the space race,” said Lunanov. “Russia was the first to do everything: Sputnik, the first dog in space, the first man in space, the first borscht platter eaten in space, which was not easy. A real technical achievement. Meanwhile, U.S. rocket launches blew up time and time again like a clockwork red-white-and-blue, like a bad movie.”

“So the only way that America could catch up to Russia in the space race in the eyes of the world was to make a fake moon landing movie,” according to Lunanov. “Even small children all over the world are aware of this fact. It’s amazing that so many stupid Americans still believe that the Apollo footage is real.”

“I have a challenge to the U.S. Simply take your old Apollo spaceship out of storage from the Smithsonian museum, dust it off, and launch it back to the moon. If you could do it fifty years ago with that tinfoil-coated tin can, you can do it today. And, as your fearless astronauts wave to me from the moon for all the world to see, I will formally apologize for besmirching their good names.”

American reporters pressed Lunanov about whether Russia had faked any of their space exploration achievements.

“I admit that in the time of Brezhnev Russia also faked some of its space footage. A little bit. But I leave it to you to judge which ones we faked: was it the first dog in space? The first unmanned lunar probe that was faked? It can be a fun little game that we play.”

“But the US did all kinds of stupid things trying to cover up their deception. My personal favorite was giving the Dutch government a fake moon rock. What a joke!”

A Reuters reporter asked: Why did Russia wait for 50 years to reveal that the U.S. moon landings were fake?

“Nixon made it very clear via Dr. Kissinger that if we ever announced this, the U.S. would consider it an act of war. Kissinger always scared the crap out of us. We used our knowledge of the fake moon landings as leverage for negotiations with the Americans in the 1970s. Détente. The SALT treaty. The sale of American grains to Russia. Kissinger thought it was worth it to keep us quiet about the Apollo fakes.”

“But what looked like pretty good production values in 1969, now seems like a shoddy B movie—no offense to the late great Stanley Kubrick, whose films I have always admired. 2001: A Space Odyssey still looks way better than the Apollo footage.”

While the NASA and the U.S. State department had no comment, many conspiracy theorists embraced Russia’s claims as proof of what they have been claiming for more than 40 years.

“Finally, a major government has confirmed what many of us have known for years: the Apollo footage was faked. Russia has confirmed it, and they never lie,” said one anonymous conspiracy theorist.