God Sues Trump Over Bible Rights

by R Freed

God, the Supreme Being of the Universe (aka Jehovah, Yahweh, Adonis, Allah, Elohim, The Lord, The Almighty, Abba (no, NOT the pop group!), The Father, etcetera) has opened a lawsuit with the State of New York over Donald Trump’s recreation of the Bible in his own image (Trump’s, not God’s). Mr. Trump has recently published his own version of the Bible with the unique, godly cover titled ‘Holy Bible – God Bless The USA And To Hell With Everyone Else’.

The Great Holy One (God, not Trump that is) has taken the audacious step of redoing the Bible in a fashion that makes him look good and holy in a way that will make him (Trump, not God) a lot of money and hopefully get sheeple to believe that he himself has: A- actually read the book and, B- is actually somewhat righteous himself. Time will tell how that works out.

God has filed the lawsuit stating that Mr. Donald J. Trump has ”overstepped his boundaries with this concoction of wasted paper and ink”. God mentioned to the press “He thinks he is getting away with this scam but I am stepping in to nip it in the bud and to nip him in the butt as well. He gives the word ‘arrogance’ new meaning. He must have missed that part in his Bible that stated “Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.” That alone would give him a free ticket to Hell!”

In the lawsuit The Lord is claiming that Donald J. Trump (‘J’ is for ‘Jerk’ stated the Great One (meaning God, not Trump)) with his new printing of the Bible has watered down the holiness of the Book (“And I don’t mean Holy Water either!” stated Jehovah), bastardized and commercialized the Book that millions of Christians worldwide look to for religious sustenance. “It is the equivalent of making the latest Star Wars movie into a porno!” said the Holy One.

This will make the 89th lawsuit against the beleaguered ex-Presidential Kingpin to date. This lawsuit looks to set the highest bar for Trump to overcome. He fears that this will turn a large segment of his fan base against him that he relies on for support. On the other hand, looking at the Messiah-like devotion that his MAGA flock (Maybe As Great As God) is giving him, perhaps they will look to him now as being their new God.

Concerns in New York are many. New York has had a lot of celebrities visit there over the centuries, but never The Almighty himself. “I just don’t know where we could put on a case like this!” emphasis Max Steelwell, City Manager for the town. “Even Carnegie Hall would be too humble for Him!”

There was talk on how much security would be needed for the venue. “Do we really need security?” asked Police Chief Allen Dowell. “Can’t God take care of himself! I mean, if we have to watch over him the costs would be astronomical! Could God throw in some money to help cover it. He is God, after all!”

More on this will be reported as it occurs.