France and Poland Excited that Germany is Rearming at Top Speed

By Dan Geddes

BRUSSELS – During yesterday’s NATO summit, leading EU member states such as France and Poland expressed unbridled joy at the prospect of major German rearmament and conscription.

General Francois Poissy of the French Chiefs of Staff purred: “We are thrilled beyond words to see our beloved Teutonic friend and protector return to appropriate levels of military spending. It is a beautiful echo of their illustrious military history. Everyone thinks of Germany as the land of poets and thinkers. People forget that Germany used to have the greatest army in the world. In World War I, Germany fought the whole world and nearly won.”

“Germany suffered from a strategic deficit in energy resources during World War II and it is still the case today,” said Francois Maginot, French Minister of Energy. “It seems that our allies, those pesky Ukrainians, blew up Nord Stream. So, when the sun doesn’t shine on Germany and there is no wind to power Germany’s windmills, France would be grateful to power the German army. It can be like springtime for Germany, even if it is winter for Poland and France. We can increase our nuclear production and burn more coal to generate the energy that the green German army desperately needs to fight the Russian bear once more. Viva la France!”

“What Could Go Wrong?”

Other top NATO generals agreed. “Germany is very experienced in invading Russia,” said General Roman Polanski of the Polish general staff. “The Germans really know their way there and back like the back of their hands. The Germans controlled half of Poland back in the day. German soldiers undoubtedly sired some children in Russia and Poland during their invasions in previous centuries, so it might feel like home to them; they might see some familiar faces.

“By starting with a head start on Russia-Polish border, hopefully the Germans can polish off the Russian army faster than in their previous attempts. What could go wrong?”

Dr. Bismarck von Schlieffen of the G.G. Farben Institute, a top consultant to NATO, said: “Germany having the greatest army in Europe is the best thing that could ever happen to Europe. I am an expert at history. A history buff. You can trust my expert opinion on this. For example, German arms buildup helped delay the onset of World War I. Peace through strength can win again.”

Dr. Karl von Braun, also of G.G. Farben, praised Germany’s contributions thus far. “Germany has already helped Ukraine’s war effort materially. Germany has sent some of their best wunderwaffen, such as advanced mobile artillery, which have been wunderbar at killing Russians en masse, I can assure you. Hopefully, Germany will help Ukraine retake the Russian-occupied provinces of Ukraine. But if Germany goes a bit farther than that and invades Russia again in self-defense as in 1941, I think the international community would understand. They would be more sympathetic to our defense requirements this time.”

“Indeed, Germany’s neighbors now really love Germany, though it is a strange love,” said Dr. Hansel von Gretel, a Belgian MP from German-speaking East Belgium. “Many people under the age of 80 no longer recall Germany’s excesses during World War II. Germany was recently voted the best liked country in the world. Even the Germans were surprised by this, but it’s really true!

“Deep down, I think we all want to sing the ‘Ode  to Joy’— our EU national anthem—or maybe our favorite Wagner operas as the German army marches eastward into Poland and Russia once more,” stated von Gretel, who started humming the Overture from Wagner’s “Die Walküre” as the NATO summit was concluded.

Many European nations are ramping up their defense spending as the Ukraine war drags on and US President Donald Trump cuts back on US interventions abroad.