Since Americans are engaged in a contentious dispute over building a southern border wall to prevent hordes of evil-doers from invading our country, we need to reach out for more credible, practical, and yes, imaginative solutions.

Have we looked to the north?  Have we considered that rather quiet, reserved, if not altogether bromidic neighbor, Canada?

Here is a land of untapped wealth and resources.  If the border hordes who threaten our way of life could only avoid the United States entirely—bypass our great land mass altogether—and enter Canada directly, look at the riches they’d find there: herds of naive elk and moose, free-ranging squirrels and rodents, social programs more humane than our own, and plenty of ice suitable for human dwellings, and innovative sculptures.  A panacea!

But how to get them there?  Here is what we might consider to be a reasonable and ultimately satisfactory answer:  The Canadian Solution.

Instead of wasting billions on a border wall, let’s build a bridge instead.

It would be built by free labor, constructed of no-cost materials, and monitored at no additional expense, (or very little) to the already over-burdened American tax payer. It would truly be a win-win, as we say.

First, prison labor could be wisely dispatched to every large landfill in the USA.  Simultaneously, they would be sent to shipyards, air parks, railroad storage facilities—anywhere we have stored outmoded, unused, or unusable shipping containers, airplanes, ships, computers—stuff we can’t sell—and using these materials, begin to assemble a convenient foot bridge from the southern border—over the shortest land route—to our northern border with Canada.  The bridge itself would stand as a cultural apogee for our time.  It would show the world just how creative America could be with its trash.  After all, isn’t it time we called out for an end to our shame, for our unrelenting assault on our landscapes with landfills; the oceans with our non-biodegradable debris?  This is our opportunity to shine.  In fact, such a unique span as the one proposed might well usher in a new era in art-waste management:  aerial trash formations.  Let’s not shun our junk any longer, but hold it up to the world in clever designs with thought-provoking maxims.  We can be proud once again.

Second, this project could be completed in record time by releasing the incarcerated; not only would they provide the necessary labor, but also the creative architectural methods required, under minimal (volunteer) supervision of course, and could be given additional training in material adhesion compounds, welding and so on.  They could be used as well for actually monitoring the hordes, given the necessary tools, say, courses in human crowd control, mass movements of families, and the use of corrective force if necessary, including assault weaponry.  This would assure the masses of homeless fleeing oppression of safe passage.

Third, the proposed span would begin in San Diego, the northern most point of entry from Mexico, to a point—on the US/Canadian border line—just below Calgary.

From there, the new Canadian immigrants could be processed and escorted by Canadian Mounties to their new homesteads—which they themselves could claim at five acres per family—in the Northwest Territories.  The abrupt climatological change accompanied by wilderness surroundings—and the complete absence of any familiar cultural reference—might even serve as deterrents for those considering making the trek in the first place.

There you have it!  A complete, comprehensive, and no cost—or minimal cost, (prisoners must be transported to landfills, trained in human relations, and so on)—solution to the immigration problem that threatens our way of life.  Where else could such an elegant, humane approach emerge but from raw, unobstructed Capitalism?

Bravo!!  Oh, and Brava!!