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Kurt Luchs 27 October 2017 The Food and Drug Administration has issued a Halloween Candy Advisory for the following sweets and snacks. Many are believed to originate in Eastern Europe or China as deliberate attempts to confuse consumers and flood the market with inferior sound-alike brands that taste even more disgusting than they sound. Obviously this is a completely inappropriate way to honor an innocent national holiday that just happens to have its origins in a Witches' Sabbath. Do NOT allow your children to ingest any of these candies and other delicacies if they should happen to receive them while Trick or Treating. Gag Reflex Surprise Three Muskrats Bar Herpes Kisses Yeast Bombs E. Coli Cola Loose Stool Caramels Sidewalks of New York Assortment Sneakers Bar Cat Box Granola Mix Sweat Tarts Kurt LuchsKurt Luchs has written humor for the Onion, the New Yorker, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency, as well as for television (Politically Incorrect and the Late Late Show) and radio (American Comedy Network). He founded and edits the literary humor site TheBigJewel.com. Sagging Meniscus Press recently published his humor collection, It's Funny Until Someone Loses an Eye (Then It's Really Funny).
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FDA Halloween Candy Advisory

Published 7y ago -

Kurt Luchs 27 October 2017   The Food and Drug Administration has issued a Halloween Candy Advisory for the following sweets and snacks. Many are believed to originate in Eastern Europe or China as deliberate attempts to confuse consumers and flood the ma... More »

Halloween Trick-or-Treaters Charged with Extortion

Published 11y ago -

CLEVELAND – Five area children have been charged with extortion after an area woman called the police to complain that she was terrified of Halloween trick-or-treaters. The five children, aged 7 through 11, and all dressed as Mitt Romney, have been released ... More »

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