America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
“To beat a reality TV star,” producer Harvey Schleishenstein murmured to himself, “it takes a reality TV star…” The idea didn’t belong to anyone in particular, but since it had come to him, he was considering it. Like the majority of voters in the ... More »
While performing my janitorial duties in the basement of a biweekly newspaper that once wrote about music, I knocked over a box labeled “M.W.” An ancient fax machine tumbled out. My god, could I have stumbled onto the Mojo Wire, the apparatus Hunter S.... More »
Sam Crestwell loved America. His patriotism was so pure and infinite that words were insufficient to convey its profundity. It was woven so intrinsically into his sense of self that it had become inseparable from his existence. It was almost impossible for him... More »
By Marleen S. Barr 7 December 2016 Donald Trump was ensconced in his Fifth Avenue aerie contemplating his Cabinet appointments. He glanced at an oblong lamp adorned with a spout and a semi-circular handle which markedly differed from the other baubles disperse... More »
All the Foolze down in Foolzville like Foolzville a lot, But the Frump who lived North of Foolzville did not. The Frump hated Foolzville! The whole blasted swamp! And he vowed he would drain it, in one wild romp! For doing so, he said he had lots of rea... More »
By Amie Heasley Before she stepped to the podium, Lizbeth closed her eyes and mumbled the same quick prayer. Until this moment, she had agreed to follow the sage advice of her team, forgoing any public appearances for the duration of the race. If she ke... More »
I’m currently dating a Hooters waitress. Her name’s Jamie and she works at the branch that just opened here in Santa Monica that still has the orange and white, overly-inflated, grand-opening balloons flapping around out front. The restaurant’... More »
The old man watched as the young boy picked up another starfish and hurled it back into the tides. He marveled at how many starfish littered the sand. Calling to the boy, he said, “There are thousands of starfish here! You can’t possibly help them all.” ... More »
By Stephen Faulkner 23 May 2016 It has long been the decided opinion of the majority of the combined populations of Balton, Seabridge, Foe’s Landing and other towns within calling distance of Quarl-on-Tewing that the entire population of Quarl is fit for the... More »
Alan and Bert were sophomores at Dugald Macpherson High School and they’d been arguing all week about which of them should invite Stacey Perkins to Spring Fling. Now it was Friday and Stacey still—miraculously—did not have a date. So the boys sat acr... More »
By Arthur H. Smith 1 February 2016 Migrating towards the Southern border, thousands of low level shrubs quietly move through the mean countryside by night when the piercing sun has fully subsided. By day, they find respite wherever darkening shade and cooling,... More »