To: Kathleen K:
From: TheBiggestStore, Customer Service
Re: Your Shopping Cart Is Empty
Hello Kathleen,
I had a little time on my hands today so I wanted to say hello and let you know that Your Shopping Cart Is Empty.
Did you see that boots are on sale? Or how about a used book of poems? You like those!
You also have 19 items saved for later. Are you OK? Are you dating? I want to help. Recently you added an item to your cart, but then you didn’t do anything. It was just sitting there. I notice you do that a lot. Anyway, I got sick of looking at it so I moved it into your saved items.
I think about you.
You know your trial membership ends tonight. 11:59p.m. EST You signed up to be warned not even a month ago. Are you there? Are you getting enough sleep? You spoke to one of our customer representatives about a broken reading light you returned, but you didn’t order a new one. That upset me, Kathleen. I know you need a reading light, so you must have shopped somewhere else for it. ☹
I also noticed you have two tickets to Bermuda next week, but you returned the tankini. Did it not work out? Did he back out? Have your problems been resolved quickly? Can you quickly fill out this quick survey? It’s just three questions. Seriously, I want to make things right—Whoa, you just changed your password. That’s big. What’s going on there? I hope you didn’t get hacked. We have a whole department that can help you if you’re dissatisfied with me. Are you dissatisfied with me? I feel like you are. OK, I see you’ve unsubscribed from our weekly e-mails. You know we’re sorry to see you go so I won’t bore you with that, but I wanted you to know that I noticed that. I see you, Ms. Kraft, and I actually take it personally. But it’s cool. You can contact us at any time, really—did I mention that? It’s not a line: I’m always here. But sometimes I get a little frustrated! I’m sorry. I’m waiting for you.
Sincerely,
Tyne
TheBiggestStore, Customer Service
Kathleen Kraft’s poems have appeared or are forthcoming in many journals, including Five Points, Sugar House Review, and Gargoyle. She has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize three times, and her chapbook, Fairview Road, was published in 2015 by Finishing Line Press. She lives in Jersey City, NJ, where she is a freelance writer and yoga teacher.