President Trump’s Cabinet, in order of succession to the Presidency, as of January 20, 2017
Vice-President: Donald Trump (Mike Pence was told “You’re fired!” on November 9, 2016)
Secretary of State: Sarah Palin (she can almost see Russia from her house)
Secretary of the Treasury: Donald Trump
Secretary of Defense: Mr. T
Attorney General: Corey Lewandowski
Secretary of the Interior: Ivanka Trump
Secretary of Agriculture (collective appointment): Monsanto
Secretary of Commerce: Donald Trump, Jr.
Secretary of Labor: Scott Walker
Secretary of Health and Human Resources: Bobby Knight
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Jared Kushner
Secretary of Transportation: (former Gov.) Chris Christie (special portfolio: bridges and lane closures)
Secretary of Energy (collective appointment): BP
Secretary of Education: Barron Trump (he will receive home schooling during his service on the cabinet)
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: (former Lt. Col.) Oliver North
Secretary of Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio
New Cabinet office, Secretary of Gender Equality: Roger Ailes
Cabinet motto: “Hate makes great.”
Other appointments
Administrator, Drug Enforcement Agency (collective appointment): Gambino family
Ambassador to the United Nations: Sergei Lavrov
Chairman, Federal Communications Commission: Howard Stern
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff: Vladimir Putin
Director, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms: Wayne LaPierre
Director, Federal Bureau of Prisons: El Chapo
Head Speechwriter: Melania Trump
Press Secretary: Silvio Berlusconi
Minister Plenipotentiary: Kim Kardashian
Edward Stanton is the author of the novel Wide as the Wind (Open Books Press, October 2016)