We’ve taken you to Europe, to South America, to Asia, Africa, Australia, and Antarctica, but now there’s a whole other world of possibilities opening by the end of this year. We’ll be representing Blue Origin, SpaceX and Virgin Galactic, the leading companies promising to offer you the wide blue yonder. Suborbital space is the new Paris, the new Florence, the new London, and yes, the new Aspen! It’s the new everything, from the man who brought you The Everything Store; with all you can possibly buy and also whatever you want to look at, listen to, and this year, just what you dreamed might be impossible in your lifetime. Blue Origin is good to go, though we may need to wait a bit for SpaceX and Virgin Galactic, at least until their rockets come back intact.
Join us for our November cocktail party to see what we’ve planned and hear our guest astronauts tell what a life-changing trip to space can be. We’re planning the party for right after Thanksgiving this year, provided that Jeff Bezos keeps his promise of a Blue Origin flight into suborbital space before 2019. That, for our friends and clients, means you need to put your name on our list now. Space flights in the New Shepard will hold only six passengers, and we hope all of you who have enjoyed our trips on earth will be the first to sign up. We believe we’re the only dedicated space flight agency in Greater Los Angeles, and major celebrities have already reserved their seats. Of course, if that lift-off date changes, we won’t charge your card or cash your deposit check until the flight is an absolute certainty. And for our clients, we’ll offer some marvelous alternatives; on earth, but still fantastic. Now, sit back and watch our video of your upcoming adventure! Wait to ask questions until after you see this incredible film, taken from inside Blue Horizons New Shepard. The experts at the November party will be able to tell you all the details!
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HOST: Yes, Alan, in the wing chair. Wasn’t that unbelievable?
ALAN: What was that mannequin wearing? It looked like it might have been a jogging suit. Won’t we need space suits? The helmet came down to its neck and it wore huge goggles.
HOST: Probably space suits won’t be necessary, according to Jeff. Just come as you are. I’d take a sweater and wouldn’t wear shorts. And for the ladies, pants, not a skirt. You’ll all have four minutes of weightless floating during your 10 minute-nineteen-second flight and learn how to do all the buckling in and out in the first day of instructions. Or you could just stay tucked into your comfortable recliner, but free floating is the highlight of the trip.
GEORGIA: Amazon sells space suits, but they’re really more like something you’d wear to a Halloween party, not to the adventure of a lifetime.
ALAN: Just one more question, please. What was the mannequin made of? Plastic? Like you’d see in Nordstrom’s window? You’d think that space scientists could have come up with something closer to human.
HOST: Before I take any more questions, let’s discuss some of the information we’ve received from our research. Now this isn’t meant to be weightist or heightist, but for this pioneering flight, you should weigh at least 110 pounds, be five feet and three inches tall; up to six feet one inch but not over 209 pounds. That’s just a rule to avoid overloading the space rocket’s capsule. Less than 110 pounds, you might float for too long, and more than 209, you might not float at all. Our sources have suggested that everyone should have a complete physical examination before even considering the flight. Make sure you don’t have high blood pressure, any heart or lung problems, and no psychological issues, for example; claustrophobia, pyrophobia, thanatophobia, xenophobia, nyctophobia, ligrophobia. Yes, some of those phobias might be rare, but ligrophobia is fear of loud noises, which are unavoidable when a rocket takes off; nyctophobia, fear of the dark, and yes, space is black, not sky blue as I always thought. And of course, there will be clouds of smoke, but you’ll see the curvature of the earth from the tremendous windows!
ALAN: Thanatophobia. I do know what that is.
HOST: Let’s stay with the easy ones. Claustrophobia and emetophobia.
GEORGIA: Emetophobia is a new phobia for me.
HOST: Fear of vomiting. There have been rare incidents of nausea among astronauts during training for the space stations. You won’t be put through anything like that. Look, we can’t go on worrying about phobias. Let me tell you about our alternatives to your space flight if it happens to be delayed.
GEORGIA: Please tell us about the alternatives right now. I wouldn’t qualify anyway because I weigh 101 pounds and I’m only five two and a half.
HOST: A month in a fully-staffed villa on the French Riviera. Three weeks of a suite at any Ritz Carlton in the world and in New York only, tickets to Hamilton; The Band’s Visit and ten other choices, if you’ve already seen the top two. Dinners at any restaurant you’d like. One of the alternatives is a Porche Carrera, delivered anywhere you happen to be.
ALAN: And none of those compensations cost more than 2500 dollars a minute?
HOST: No, but please give me a chance to tell you about the luxurious motor homes we’ve reserved to take our space tourists from El Paso to the Van Horn launch site.
HOST: Each one has a living room, a dining area, two bedrooms and baths. The freezer will have your meals, prepared by a Michelin star chef from El Paso. Just pop them in the microwave. We’ve arranged all this because the motels and restaurants around Van Horn aren’t yet quite up to our VIP standards. We wouldn’t want you to drive the 109 miles from El Paso if you’re not familiar with motor homes or the West Texas desert. We want you to be rested and alert for instruction classes, so we’re also providing a driver familiar with the terrain. That’s our gift to you as our thanks for an early sign-up.
GEORGIA: Terribly sorry to leave now, but.my mother is arriving tonight and we have to meet the plane. We’ll keep in touch, definitely.
ALAN: I meant to ask you if there will be a crew, or at least a pilot.
HOST: Mark your calendar for our party. We’ll know by then!