To improve network security following this morning’s “Happy Garlic” computer virus attack, all users are required to change system passwords immediately upon receiving this message.
Also, in keeping with compliance regulations revised in the wake of the recent “Angry Clown” bug, all passwords must be changed again this evening, and once more between 8:00 and 11:00 a.m. Friday.
Together, these three new passwords should form a complete sentence, with effective punctuation, proper capitalization, and at least one number divisible by three. Show your work.
In addition, those users affected by the “HepCat” worm are required to change all system passwords first thing tomorrow morning, and again every 24 hours until symptoms have been gone for at least five days. Early discontinuation of password changes may encourage the development of password resistance in viruses. Also: wash your hands.
The cyber security department is working diligently to protect our network from threats. The much-publicized “Terminal Sickness” macro has continued to affect systems nationwide; security experts estimate our overall vulnerability at 2 out of 5. By contrast, the feared “Legendary Impact” virus ranks only 1 in 3. Rounding out the field are “Head Scratcher” (1 in 4), “Call Your Mother” (3 in 7 and a record of 6-2-2) and “Insufferable Party Guest” (the current favorite at 4 to 5 for a $50,000 purse).
To prevent identity theft, it is vital that you not write your password anywhere. With cyber criminals growing more sophisticated every day, users are also advised against committing passwords to memory. A cypher which can be recalled like mere breakfast conversation puts your security at a terrible risk. Instead, think of your password as 8-32 characters of military intelligence that can be decrypted only by the intended recipient at an established time and place. When recording such information for later use, logistics committee guidelines recommend enigmatic hints tattooed on the feet.
Use at least three of the following special characters: &^%$#*( . The colon and period are not part of this list.
Do not use more than one of the following special characters: “!-