America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
Simon Apfel 3 September 2015 December 2010 – Several shark attacks occur off the South Sinai resort of Sharm el-Sheikh in Egypt. Egyptian officials blame the attacks on Mossad, claiming Israel deliberately introduced the man-eating sharks to sabotage Egypt... More »
(From the American Idol Archives) by Fred Russell Ryan: Good evening, America. Three contestants. Three dreams. Three journeys. You will vote. You will decide. You’ll hear them tonight singing their hearts out. Each of our contestants will be given his c... More »
By David Eisenbach Bill de Blasio couldn’t sleep. Of all the objections to his ban on the Central Park horses, one haunted him. Where do they go afterwards? He hoped a rich animal lover out West would put them up on a huge ranch to roam around for the rest o... More »
Many Americans believe the job of educating children should be shifted to the private sector to save money and to provide better instruction to children. A number of localities have already begun to move in this direction and scores of others are considering t... More »
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a town called Doodyville, located in the state of She Wore A New Jersey, and it was comprised mostly of children. Doodyville’s mayor was an exuberant youth named Howdy Doody (great-grandson of the founder). He was assisted by h... More »
Leonard Glass 17 March 2015 Photo credit: Didriks Foter CC BY The noted gourmand I.M. Large first gained notoriety by eating his Pork Belly Chocolate Torte on Good Morning America. By calling it his “Breakfast Dessert,” Large triggered the viral adoption... More »
To the Most Honourable Parties of Concern: What Occasion I have the Pleasure of writing to you is to commend myself to the Position of contributing Author to your great Scheme, so titled The Onion. My Work has found its way into diverse Countries and Places an... More »
As a life-long single woman I’ve dealt with endless questions relating to my singlehood. It’s the usual inquiries that single gals get: “Why did I never settle down? Was it a conscious choice? Was my heart broken along the way?” Because of my history I... More »
Yoko Ono. Heather Mills. Yoko Ono Lennon. Heather Mills-McCartney. Two women. Two Beatles. Who knew? Just remember – everyone – even the allegedly sycophantic, royally aspirational, need someone to look up to… Dear Ms. Ono: I am writing to you because sa... More »
By Dan Geddes 21 January 2015 America’s fullness is a bad fullness; an emptiness. America is full of emptiness, because it is too full of fullness. It is even empty of emptiness—but in the bad way. –Yamamoto Shunryu Yamamoto (’JA-MAH-’MOH-TOH) wa... More »
Many Americans identify themselves through compound forms based on national or regional origin—African-American, Italian-American, Irish-American, Mexican-American, etc. Such individuals often band together and hold parades, have parties, and get politicians... More »
By Harvey J. Lieberman 19 January 2015 Revelations about concussion injuries among professional football players and the resulting National Football League settlement challenge cherished notions about our iconic national sport. The following translation of an ... More »