America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
“There’s Jim,” he said. “He’s become more famous than me.” I froze. On January 22nd I was standing in the Blue Room of the White House. The president was calling to me, across the room, in front of the assembled press. He may just as we... More »
Dear Honorable Lord Hiring Manager, As a workaholic whose academic achievements remain locked to their sense of self-worth and identity, I read your posting for an unpaid 40 hour a week internship with great interest. I would be honored to follow the Great A... More »
Welcome to FaceMed Ad-Supported Healthcare: Free Market (Free!) Medical Care for the Internet Age!™ We are delighted to have you as a member. Because our customer service line is only available Tuesday through Thursday, between 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m. GM... More »
1980-1980 First job was working for a non-profit organization advocating legislation that would eliminate any sort of discrimination in all new housing projects. Builders would be required to provide affordable housing even in luxury apartments and upscale sub... More »
Professor Ken Grabette of the English department, accused by seven undergraduate women of groping them in his office: “I was just exploring gender boundaries in atextual space, a fascinating albeit unexplored subject that I’m writing an essay about for Bey... More »
Congratulations, Mr. Jared Kushner! You have received a federal “Secret” security clearance designation. As a White House employee, a Secret security clearance provides you with the access required for many very important positions. Below is a sampling of ... More »
RECITAL Being of sound mind and body, I declare this my Last Will and Testament, thereby revoking any and all previous Wills made by me, regardless of what my family says. Ignore them: all they did was make me feel bad about my career and they know that. RELAT... More »
HOSTESS Welcome to Gun Mall USA! Don’t forget you’re entitled to fifteen minutes of free practice with every purchase! Our child care area is located right next to the practice tent. We have slides, swings, a sandbox and toy guns. ASK ME ANYTHING! and have... More »
@JonathanSwift Your idea for helping the 120,000 poor children in the kingdom is to EAT some of them? Because they cost too much? You are terrible. Burn in Hell! @MrChristian – Thanks for your feedback. Follow me, I’ll follow you back. @Jonath... More »
I will tell you truth. People write to me, they say: “Melania, how is it you can be such a normal, regular, normal mother? How do you, as glamorous first lady, the most best beautiful one ever, balance your role as supermodel first lady who must ta... More »
To: All US Operatives Hey team! I hope everyone had a great Presidents’ Day. My Slack has been blowing up all weekend, so I just wanted to check in first thing. The short answer is Yes: the mission is still very much on. You should all still be using your Am... More »
That memo … can bit you in the a** Tom Deisboeck is a Harvard-affiliated scientist turned entrepreneur who attended Technical University Medical School in Munich, Germany, and The Massachusetts Institute of T... More »