By Sam Weller
I had a brilliant idea! An idea so big that no American President has ever done it before. I want to share it with you all, the Great People of the United States of America, who voted for me in an unprecedented landslide victory last November. I am sharing with you my summer reading list. I know you will enjoy them as much as I did!
Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
He gets a bad rap, you know? Hitler did many good things if we are going to be completely honest. Bigly things. No one wants to say this. But he did good things. One of them was writing this book which was on my nightstand throughout my four years in the White House and it will be on my nightstand in the White House when I am reinstated this August.
The Art of the Deal by Donald J. Trump
The greatest book in the history of books, ever.
Triggered by Donald J. Trump, Jr.
Junior’s book shipped a lot of copies. I mean A LOT. Unfortunately, unlike my own book, The Art of the Deal, it didn’t sell so hot and has been remaindered bigly. Do my son a favor and buy his book.
At Night All Blood is Black by David Diop
The Fake News media say I’m racist. Not true. I put this book on my list.
Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Cancel culture is a terrible thing. Terrible. It’s out of control. Before the radical left tries to cancel the great Mark Twain—I thought I would remind everyone of this brilliant work of literature. My friend Joe Shapiro, who has a very high IQ and is excellent at taking the SAT, loved this book. And I knew Mark Twain. He was a great man. Smart, too. Not as smart as I am, but that’s okay.
Land of Big Numbers by Te-Ping Chen
Another book by another writer of color, this time an American-born Chinese writer and journalist. I don’t think she had anything to do with the China virus, but who knows? Who knows? People at Mar-a-Lago have asked me how I discover so many great new books. What can I say? I read constantly. Unlike other former guys.
Full Disclosure by Stormy Daniels
The Fake News Media claims that I am vindictive and vengeful. Am I? If I was, would I really put this woman’s book on my list, which is really the biggest prize in global literature? Really? I don’t think so. By the way, Stormy’s vagina looks like Mario’s mustache from the Mario video games. I’m just saying.
The Fifty Shades of Grey Series by E.L. James
These books are great. They made literature great again.
The Prison Manual: The Complete Guide To Survive The American Prison System by Mike Enemigo
Rudy recommended this.
Sam Weller is a two-time Bram Stoker Award-winning writer and the authorized biographer of author Ray Bradbury. Weller’s collection of Gothic short stories, Dark Black, was published last year. He is a professor in the English and Creative Writing Department at Columbia College Chicago. He can be found on Twitter: @Sam__Weller