A Modest Proposal to Microchip Humanity for Its Own Health and Safety
By Dan Geddes
Introduction
Technology is changing human society in previously unimaginable ways. Human evolution, which has long been largely biological process, will now continue almost entirely through technology. Technological evolution proceeds much faster and efficiently than the long, biological slog of genetic mutations and natural selection. The future holds great possibilities for human advancement for those who are willing and eager to have microchips implanted into their bodies, while others will be left on the dust heap of history.
Visionaries such as Ray Kurzweil foresee a trans-humanist future, where people eagerly are implanted with microchips for their own enhancement. Eventually, people will be able to download important skills, such as how to fly spaceships or how to speak German, directly into their brains.
However, some people will resist humanity’s progress and destiny due to their own misguided belief-systems. Whether libertarian, radical nationalist, or informed by the weird “end time” prophecies of Judeo-Christian eschatology (fear of the “Mark of the Beast”), opponents of the microchips—mostly conspiracy theorists—do exist.
These people will organize a desperate rear-guard action against the inevitable human progress of a micro-chipped population enjoying all the benefits of a cashless society, supra-national global governance, and a rapidly growing workforce of robots, who will forever alter the role played by humanity in the labor supply throughout the production chain.
Benefits
The benefits of micro-chipping humanity are simply staggering.
- Use your Microchip at the ballot box to prevent voter fraud
- Greater efficiency to silence dissenters, criminals, and drug dealers
- No more dollar bills covered with cocaine residue or the Corona Virus
- No more pick-pocketing or purse-snatching or man-bag grabbing or other personal crime
- No tax evasion
- No more working “under the table”
- No waitresses/servers, collecting undeclared “tips”
- No more money under the mattress
- No underground economy
- No anonymous transactions (prostitutes, drug dealers)
- No cheating on your spouse or partner
- Prisoners on death row could be executed remotely by poisoning them from their chips
The Moment is Now
Humanity is at an important crossroads in its evolutionary history. Either we will free ourselves from the shackles of the past or we will embrace the technology of the future, which happily is already available in the present, first for the lucky few. But soon even the less fortunate will have the opportunity to be microchipped.
Current state of microchipping
Various programs for voluntary chipping have already been launched. Alzheimer patients have already been chipped for their own safety. Companies in Scandinavia and in the US use biometrics, including microchipping, in their security systems. The list goes on and on.
Many people in the developed world are already carrying microchips already, whether in our wallets or in our smart phones or both. Do you ever leave the house now without your bank card? Or your smart phone? If not, you are already in essence chipped as much as your cocker spaniel. But you do the extra work of carrying the chip around with you, rather than enjoy the ease and carefree comfort of having it implanted into your body, footloose and fancy-free.
The Animal Precedent
In many developing countries, pets are microchipped, at least dogs, as well as most livestock and farm animals. In the UK, for example, it is now mandatory to microchip all dogs.
How could anyone not support giving ourselves and our loved ones the same safety net (of being electronically chipped and trackable in real time by the proper authorities) that we give to pets? What kind of inhuman monster would deny his fellow humanity the same level of safety and service as they offer to their pets or mere livestock? To such people, I would ask: “Don’t you love your kids as much as your dog?”
Stories about dogs getting cancer from RFID implants have been wildly exaggerated. Reports of this are overblown. RFID technology is as safe as anything else. RFID is as safe as your cell phone or your neighborhood cell phone tower.
Convincing Promotional Campaigns
Many convincing promotional campaigns are now running to convince the recalcitrant to microchip themselves for the common good.
As part of the promotional campaign ”Chips for Chips,” the largest food conglomerates will offer jumbo bags of potato-chips and tortilla chips to people who allow their chips to be scanned in grocery stores, including mega family-size bags for whole families who get chipped together.
A boy named Chip serves as poster boy for the campaign, holding enormous bags of potato chips while saying the motto: “Be like Chip. Chip is good.”
The Sexbots are Coming
In our early adopter groups, we have already found that “the family that gets chipped together stays together.” Real-time surveillance of one’s partners leads to increased rates of marital fidelity, and even a reduced sexual desire.
Solution: The Sexbots are coming. Sexbots are becoming more adopted and better adapted as a means to help both partners relieve the tedium of marital sex through coitus with sexbots. Sexbots are programmed to give positive feedback on sexual performance, no matter how inept the sexual performance of the human. In the long-term, they help teach you how to improve your own sexual performance.
Opponents/Christians
Many of the opponents of the chip come from marginal subcultures, which are also breeding grounds for “anti-globalist” conspiracy theorists or terrorists. These groups harbor a suspicion of government power, a distrust of the media, and a sense of alienation from the shared global consumer culture that is our common future.
Luckily, the distinct social groups that oppose the chip have sharp differences on other issues, which can be used to divide them and prevent them from presenting a united front on the chipping issue. Intelligence agencies have infiltrated some of the more prominent civil liberties groups (e.g., ACLU) long ago, as is well-known, so we can expect only controlled opposition from there.
Fundamentalist Christians in America have long been known to represent a cohesive political force and independent subculture. Evangelical Christians lean heavily Republican, and also represent a large share of the small Libertarian vote.
Many contemporary evangelical Christians have been raised on the idea of the “End Times” as foretold in the Bible, especially the book of Revelations. They nearly all describe a global dictator, “The Anti-Christ” who forces every person to take a 666, a so-called “mark of the beast” on their hand in order to buy or sell. These prophecies became reinterpreted and popularized in many forms, such as the multi-million selling books like The Late Great Planet Earth and its many imitators, or the “Lost Behind” series of novels.
The Christian subculture may represent the greatest challenge to the timely introduction of chipping technology, at least within the U.S.
However, the microchip industry is taking counter measures. First off, the leading RFID companies have publicly denied that they are working for the devil. Mark Mephistopheles, CEO of Digital Angel Technologies, affirmed: “It’s ridiculous! The number “666” does not appear anywhere on the microchip inserted into your body. We also claim that we are not the working for the Anti-Christ as foretold in Biblical prophecy, Revelations 12. We hope that hearing this will help relax people about our good intentions.”
In any case, one day, banks will simply stop issuing cards, as mailing out plastic cards every two years (or more if lost or stolen) is so much less efficient than implanting consumers with microchips. Payment via mobile phone will continue, using the implanted RFID chip as a type of two-factor authentication, preventing anyone from stealing your phone to make payments with it.
From an efficiency perspective it may be desirable to upgrade the chips from time to time to take advantage of the latest chips and their technological developments. Being chipped once may great, but cutting-edge consumers will want to be chipped more frequently to get the upgrades, much like people line up outside of the Apple store.
We see no reason to remove the older chips. In fact, they may be impossible to remove. But they are harmless in any case.
Homeless
Homeless people, though poor, may be early adopters for being microchipped.
FEMA head and Wackenhut CEO, General Sam Baskin stated: “We encourage the homeless to turn themselves into our chipping centers, where we will happily chip them for their own good and safety.”
FEMA and Wackenhut have launched a public-private partnership to create labor camps. “Chipped homeless people are entitled to stay in one of the many new homeless catchment areas in exchange for a moderate amount of labor.”
The “Nobody left behind” program ensures workers a choice of jobs (meat packing plants, experimental drug testing, focus groups for latest Hollywood movies and music videos, drone target practice work (usually non-lethal) will already be available to the homeless with the vision to get chipped.
Conclusion
Microchipping ourselves is the inevitable future of humanity.
Eventually microchipped people will be like the movie The Incredibles, where the Incredibles are like super, trans-humanists with electronic implants, a species above mere “normals,” who stand and gawk at the feats of the incredibles. In such a world, choosing not to take a microchip would be the pinnacle of idiocy.
We know that some people will resist, but we also know they will be on the wrong side of history.