America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
More Leaked Texts from Signal by Stephen Lyons DATELINES: Hawaii, Kremlin, Greenland, Starbuck’s, Chick Fil A, Palm Steakhouse At 11:44 p.m., Hegseth posted in the chat, “NEED DRINKY! ASAP!” The text beneath this began, “TIME NOW 12:11 a.m.: Weather is... More »
The Smell of Success & Determination: Musk’s Burnt Hair vs. Trump’s Fight Fight Fight! by David Comfort Power guys have loved colognes since ancient times. Alexander the Great and Mohammad wore woody musks from the anal glands of Himalayan bucks. The C... More »
Who’s That Sitting at My Daddy’s Desk? by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell Paul Lander is a TV comedy writer, award-winning columnist and producer. His humor pieces have appeared in MAD, American Bystander, Weekly Humorist, McSweeneys, National Lampoon, Robot... More »
Kiss the Federal Government Goodbye By Martin H. Levinson Elon Musk and his merry band of muskrats are doing their best to trim excess fat from the US government by suggesting ways to fire federal employees. The problem is they’re being too conservative with... More »
X-JACK: the 12-step Program for Mastering Your Domain by David Comfort To regulate men like women, Mississippi state senator, Bradford Blackmon, a Black Baptist and former ballplayer, has just introduced the “Contraception Begins at Erection Act.” The b... More »
Jesus is Not All Right with Me by Stephen J. Lyons The newly elected capo was rightly offended by the Inaugural Day sermon. “She was nasty in tone, and not compelling or smart.” His consiglieri was horribly aggrieved. “The person giving this sermon shou... More »
By Martin H. Levinson The US has the lowest life expectancy rate, the highest health care costs, and the greatest number of avoidable deaths of all wealthy, developed countries, which means America must be doing something right. That something is an understand... More »
All That Glitters by David R. Bowne The ocean disappeared. The throng of humanity on the beach watched in wonder as the saltwater slipped out of sight. Its absence revealed the undulating surface of sand that stretched for hundreds of yards. People approached ... More »
SENATOR J.D. VANCE (in response to The New York Times’ Lulu Garcia-Navarro asking him repeatedly if Donald Trump lost the 2020 election) – SAID: “I am going to answer your question with another question. Is it okay that big tech companies censored the Hu... More »
It’s the Economy, Stupid By Martin H. Levinson To be elected president you need to propose economic policies that will attract voters who, like all people, want to get as much as possible without having to consider the consequences. Half-measures won’t... More »
For One-Billion Non-Breeders Only: No Kidding Bill of Rights! By David Comfort We live in an age of equality and diversity. Why, then, are the childfree – an increasingly large and pissed-off demographic – still second-class citizens? Think about it: what ... More »
The Backbite Lies of a Profiteer By Henry Wadsworth Wrongfellow aka Martin H. Levinson Listen my children and you shall hear, The backbite lies of a profiteer, On the Sixth of Jan., in Twenty-One, He said to a group of guys with guns Hang Mike Pence and... More »