By Martin H. Levinson
Anderson Cooper sticks a mic in front
of my face on Central Park South in
New York City, cues the camera, asks
“Why are you voting for Donald Trump?”
as if he cares about what a nobody from
from Bensonhurst Brooklyn really thinks
and I tell him because my wife doesn’t
like the way I dry the dishes, my brother
makes more money than me, the cops
don’t give tickets to double-parked
cars on Flatbush Avenue, my mother
wanted a girl, there’s too much
litter on the street where I live,
the subways are filthy, Mexico
can afford to pay for the wall and
my boss makes embarrassing comments
to me at staff meetings, Uber drivers
are creating more traffic in town, my
father also wanted a girl, taxes are too
high, my good cholesterol is too low,
Bruce Jenner, the world’s greatest athlete,
became Caitlyn, I like the idea of
bombing the shit out of one’s enemies
and the elevator in my apartment building
has been out of order for over a month,
the first lady would be a real looker,
kids are ruder today than they were
when I was growing up, no matter how
you slice it the Mets won’t win the
pennant this year, I believe in chaos theory
and Trump spelled backwards is Pmurt,
no one is looking out for the white guy
anymore, I have to wait three hours in
the doctor’s office before I’m seen,
my bunions are killing me, there
aren’t enough cashiers at Rite-Aid,
my car needs a new engine, the
government is the problem, Trump is
the solution, the Chinese could also
pay for the wall, I hate socialism but
I like Medicare and Social Security,
roses are red, they grow in a region,
if I had your face, I would join the
foreign legion, Einstein was wrong,
God does plays dice with the universe
and Anderson says “That’s a wrap.”
10 April 2016
Martin H. Levinson is the author of nine books and numerous articles, plays, and poems on various subjects, including The Levinson Report: Cutting Edge Satire for Geniuses Like You. He is a member of the Authors Guild, National Book Critics Circle, and the book review editor for ETC: A Review of General Semantics. His website can be accessed at martinlevinson.com.