By Bruce Lader
12 February 2017
Reserve far in advance for this restaurant named after
the last Pyrenean ibex. Celia’s authentic wildlife atmosphere
of real wolf heads, Blue Hyacinth Macaws and Saint Francis’
Satyr butterflies definitely merits the set gratuity of 50%
per guest. Aquariums of orange roughy, bocaccio rockfish
and Maltese rays surround gastronomes at tables made of
monkey-puzzle trees.
Their delectable Ganges shark-fin soup is going faster than the
Philippine eagle. Discerning palates won’t want to miss the
dwindling swift’s eggs poached from nests atop cliffs of
Borneo, blended in a chowder perfectly spiced.
Savor a stunning appetizer like pangolin from the omnivorous
menu as you watch the anteaters forage on Virtual Life Video
and indulge in the smuggled green sea turtle. Remember
to order sides of gorilla brain with beluga sturgeon caviar.
The entrées not only speak volumes, they sing arias, though
the steamed tongue of Amazon river dolphin tasted a trifle
off-key. A chilled bottle of Siberian tiger wine complements
the pièce de résistance, filet of Chinese giant salamander.
A couple of caveats: The gaur can be gristly out of season,
and the sirloin of African elephant is sweeter and much
more tender if a calf, prepared extremely rare.
Leave plenty of room for a disappearing dessert; tell your
friendly waiter you are celebrating a birthday or anniversary
and get a free slice of honey-glazed baby orangutan generously
garnished with Asian rhino-horn powder. Don’t miss out,
reserve before Celia’s moves to another planet, in time for the
all-you-can-eat clearance sale on pickled humans.
Nonpareil comestible standards and cordiality earn the famed
landmark seven heavenly kakapo feathers, finest dining on
Earth. $$$$$$$
