After being abandoned in a high-profile press conference by President Donald Trump, reports indicate that the Iran Deal has sought solace in the company of other recent agreements that have been negotiated by the United States only to be publicly snubbed by the new administration.
“It’s really difficult to deal with that rejection,” the Iran Deal told a group of sympathetic journalists on Wednesday, “but I’ve found some comfort in knowing that I’m not alone.”
Indeed, the Iran Deal’s sentiments echoed statements made in recent weeks by the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), the expansive free-trade deal that the United States withdrew from early last year. In a burst of emotion, the TPP cried out to shocked onlookers: “Hillary Clinton called me the gold standard! Remember that? I was the gold standard!” According to reports, two sympathetic bystanders immediately stepped forward to console the dejected free-trade deal.
It is not an easy time for international agreements that became accustomed to American leadership and support. Despite the continued commitment of every other country on earth, the Paris climate accord was overheard recently complaining to NAFTA of a “US-shaped hole” in its heart. The remark reportedly did little to settle NAFTA’s own unease about its future, as negotiators continue to struggle to reconcile the competing interests of its three members.
The Iran Deal’s suggestion to form a support group was welcomed by the other agreements jilted by this administration as well as by older agreements that reportedly still feel the sting of American withdrawal. The Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty made a rare public appearance over the weekend to announce that it too will join the support group. After being terminated in 2002, the treaty allegedly fell into an intense depression: “I was in force for thirty years,” the treaty told a gathered crowd, “and I can’t believe that meant nothing to the world.”
As of this writing, precise details about the nature of the support group are unclear. Unverified reports on social media suggest that the group’s first meeting could be delayed by scheduling conflicts. “Just because the United States is out doesn’t mean life stops,” the Paris accord told journalists this week.