Top 20 Financial Headlines of 2009
- Harvard Journal of Politics Study Finds That America is Greatest Country on Earth Due to Bar Being Set Pretty Low
- Last Member of American Middle Class Dies of “Natural Taxation”, Spent 1200 Hours Filing Form 1040
- California Requests IMF Loan Relief: Schwarzenegger: “I’ll Sign Anything”
- Ford Fiesta Wins 2008 Car & Driver Magazine Award as Best Non-Exploding Domestic Auto
- Iceland to Petition Federal Reserve to Become Bank Holding Company; and Receive TARP Funds
- Americans Increasingly Exploring Alternative Ultra-Minimalist “Foodetarian” Lifestyles During Hard Times
- HMO Denies Benefit Claim; Says Aspirin an “Experimental” Drug
- Major Commercial Airlines to Eliminate Seats, Restrooms, Tail Rudders on Most International Flights
- Post Office to Raise Rates to Lose Your Mail More Efficiently
- Political Scholars Expedite Search to Find Clear Distinction Between Civil War/Anarchy Before Second Quarter of ’09
- New York Times Nears Bankruptcy as CIA Defaults on its Monthly Payments
- Oil Geologists Now Claim “There Never was an Ozone Layer in the First Place”
- Abe Greenstein, CEO of Greenstein Hedge Fund Becomes First Hedge Fund Manager on Moon; SEC Contemplates Subpoena, Jurisdiction Issues
- Unknown Darwin Manuscript Discovered; Says that Phrase “Man Descended from Apes” not Intended as Figure of Speech
- Last Person to Leave Detroit Remembers to Turn off the Light
- U.S. Treasury Refuses to Sell Treasury Bills to U.S. Treasury, Citing Default Risk.
- Moody’s, S&P Downgrade Themselves Again
- US to Recycle Garbage into US Dollars
- Ukraine to Buy Russian Gas on Layaway
- Illegal Immigrants Flee to Mexico; Mexico Considering Building Border Fence as Americans Follow.
