Italian luxury fashion house Gucci recently introduced an ultraexpensive umbrella that, oddly enough, isn’t waterproof.  According to the company, it is meant as a fashion statement…a collector’s item.  Strange as it seems, on the designer’s website there is actually a waiting list for this logo-emblazoned, G-carved handle, umbrella-of-sorts.  Though it’s difficult to imagine why anyone would choose to plunk down $1,300 for an item that seems to have no apparent practical use, nonetheless here are some possibilities:

A parasol for women who desperately seek attention along with their shade.

As a movie wardrobe item, to be used, for example, in a future Batman film featuring an ultra-stylish Penguin…or possibly for a chic, twenty-first century Mary Poppins.

Strategically placed in an umbrella stand at the entrance to an overpriced, pretentious Manhattan restaurant – well displayed, undoubtedly…though well secured, certainly.

Carried on a cloudy day – threatening but no chance of rain – by a Manhattan social butterfly, male or female, who sees a chance to impress without a chance to get drenched.

Used as a weapon by an elegant, sophisticated TV detective, à la The Avengers’ John Steed.

Taken apart by an adroit tailor and fashioned into a modish bikini which, given its somewhat dense fabric, should not be worn while engaging in beach volleyball.

To be thought of, as Gucci suggested, as a decorative collectible, and secured in a safe place in your home, where it will hopefully grow in value and will be someday be auctioned at Sotheby’s as a valuable collectors item…or, if you’re less fortunate, sold on Amazon as an ostentatious leaky umbrella.

For playing a prank on friends who leave your home after it starts raining, and to whom, when they return it and tell you that it leaks, you can honestly say “Really?  I never used it.  It was very expensive.” 

A prop for a pompous but ill-informed TV weatherman.

To replace traditional umbrellas carried by dancing mourners at a New Orleans jazz funeral procession, when the deceased is known to have been an especially flamboyant individual.

A photography umbrella (a light modifier that softens and spreads the light) to be employed by all photographers creating material for Gucci…if they want to remain photographers creating material for Gucci.

To be used as a prototype to create inexpensive waterproof “knock-offs,” which, due to their price and practicality, would most likely be much more in demand than the original (so much so, in fact, that it wouldn’t be the least bit surprising if Gucci themselves acted on the idea).