This week Alabama’s Governor signed a statute that aims to outlaw all abortions, despite the majority of Alabamians indicating that they do not support this law — i.e., a clear case of a minority view prevailing. Or, as the GOP might call it, “governing.” Shockingly, the law does not make any exceptions for cases of rape or incest — probably because legislators who have married their cousins and Game of Thrones fans are now numb to how awful incest is. Of course, it’s unfair to label this practice as exclusive to Southern states. Don’t take my word for it – just ask Rudy Giuliani and his first wife/second cousin. Speaking of compromised politicians, rumor has it that Roy Moore has privately said that he’s very grateful that this law wasn’t on the books when he was in his thirties.
I could see this law having some unintended consequences and maybe even some unforeseen opportunities for Alabama’s politicians to continue their legislative zeal. For example, I wouldn’t be surprised if this law prompts many Alabamians to avoid pregnancy by going anal. Alabama lawmakers will probably celebrate this by renaming their state ‘Alabuma’.
But why stop there? Legislators changing the state’s name will probably also seek to rid themselves of their association to Sharia. I could see the Governor commenting that “We’re going to take the Allah out of Alabama. We should have done this a long time ago. It’s time our true Christian heritage is reflected in our name.” Inspired Alabama politicians will presumably then use this as an opportunity to rename their state “Godbuma” or “Jesusbuma”. I bet white Alabamians will be excited to vote on this measure in a referendum. It’s difficult to say whether black Alabamians would be excited to vote since the state has disenfranchised so many of them.
It’s not just Alabama that’s rolling out highly restrictive — and controversial — new abortion laws. In recent weeks, Georgia and Mississippi have proposed similar laws. What next? A new law in Louisiana that declares testicles to be their own Noah’s Ark because they contain so much life? Will the Feds answer the call by issuing all adult men with social security numbers for each testicle?