America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
Hordes of middle-aged white men have been spotted in recent weeks on the outskirts of cities beneath or bordering the Mason Dixon Line, wandering deliriously in circles outside of what is usually a Chevy Suburban of some sort. The wanderers share similar taste... More »
by Boaz Dvir TRUMPVILLE, MAGA—President Trump has announced the first item on his proposed $1 trillion infrastructure list: the addition of a Times Square-like stock ticker to the White House façade. The 360-degree digital display will be made in China und... More »
In a stunning announcement at Monday evening’s White House press briefing, President Trump stated that the Coronavirus Task Force will not be disbanded, as previously suggested, but will instead pivot to focus on eradicating murder hornets from the U.S. Acco... More »
by Sam Weller WASHINGTON – Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and a prominent member of the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force announced, today, a potentially stunning breakthrough in the fight ag... More »
By Eric Lichtblau President Trump, using new emergency powers, ordered federal agents Friday to quarantine political rival Joe Biden inside bubble wrap for at least the next eight months “to stop the spread of the coronavirus and keep America great.̶... More »
Donald Trump squares off with Mike Bloomberg at 3 p.m. on the playground next to the tennis court. By Zachary Karem and Penelope Eaton PARIS, LAS VEGAS — Two of the most popular kids in school, Mikey the Kid Bloomberg and Donny the Lump Trump, will be meet... More »
The U.S. Democratic Party is confident they can win the 2020 Presidential elections on their strength of their anti-Trump, pro-war platform. “We are the opposition party to Donald Trump, you see,” stated House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “If you hate Trump and... More »
By Lew Tucker WASHINGTON, DC – In another move to distract from his impeachment woes President Trump has once again gone to his big “bag of bright shiny objects.” The latest is the launch of a self-aggrandizing video game which was announced and sold... More »
By Dan Geddes WASHINGTON, DC – The New York Times has published the personal tax returns of President Donald Trump, precipitating a media frenzy on both sides of the American political spectrum. President Trump himself immediately threatened to sue the T... More »
By Karen Rile WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump made an unprecedented foray into the Olympic sports world today, tweeting that the US Biathlon team will adopt AK-47 assault rifles for use in competition going forward. The announcement provoked shockwaves t... More »
President to Award Himself Presidential Medal of Freedom for Valorous Action WASHINGON – In a historic and highly unorthodox move for a sitting president, especially one whose every speech and tweet seems to be a display of contention and contempt, Presi... More »
In a decision that has surprised some analysts and observers, a federal judge in Wilmington Delaware ruled today that a class action lawsuit against BedTek Industries, over alleged problems with their Snap-Blanket Sleep Equity System (SBSES) will be allowed to... More »