America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
When They Go Low I Give Up by Stephen J. Lyons I’m huffing away on the elliptical at our local gym, reading another depressing commentary about our nation’s state of affairs, when I look across the room at the television to see the scabrous visage of one S... More »
The Ten Eleven Commandments, according to Donald J. Trump by Stephen J. Lyons I am the LORD, your one and only God, who brought you out of the Swamp, out of the house of Clinton and Biden. You shall have no other gods before or after Me. And, for a limi... More »
Grab ‘Em by the What, Where? by Stephen J. Lyons Now that the infamous Access Hollywood tape made it back in the news I have questions for the “star” of the tape, that constant ingrown irritant in our short lives, aka the freshly convicted, twice impeach... More »
Our Lord Donald and His Wise Men Stephen J. Lyons On private jets the Wise Men came from the east (and the south, and the west) bearing gifts of droll, nonsense and fear. A new star shone in the sky the night before, either an omen or Starlink. The Wise Men pe... More »
If Cormac McCarthy wrote dialogue for “Emily in Paris” by Stephen J. Lyons Scene: Emily Cooper, dressed in a paisley micro mini-skirt, with mismatched suede boots, has pain au chocolat and café au lait with her BFF Mindy Chen outside the Café de... More »
The 12 Steps of Aspiring Autocrats Anonymous by Stephen J. Lyons We admit that we are powerless over the mighty sway of Donald Trump—aka “Him”—his enabling lies rhetoric and the glitter of repeated appearances on Fox News. We came to believe tha... More »
Stephen J. Lyons I am a bad American. My sin: I don’t care one whit about Mars. There, I said it. Go ahead and dox me. Be mean and make me a meme. I will still not budge an inch from my stance. As Elton John famously sang: “Mars ain’t the kind of place t... More »
Dear Melinda: Because you haven’t responded to my phone calls, emails or drone flyovers and, because your recent injunction against me does not apply to snail mail, I thought I would simply send you a letter. First, I would like to offer my heartfelt condole... More »
The signs are everywhere. A man walks into a Subway in North Carolina carrying an AT-4 anti-tank rocket launcher and two sidearms. No tanks are in the vicinity. He is there to get a sandwich. And maybe a bag of chips. Another man shops at a Vons grocery store ... More »
Friends, I have left my safe cocoon and ventured over to the dark side. What first triggered this odyssey was coming across the #FireFauci hashtag on Twitter. I decided to sit quietly in a room with comforting pillows and aroma therapy (vanilla spice), and fol... More »
On Easter—check that—or two weeks past, or whenever I am an older man than I am today, I shall wear purple with a red MAGA hat that will suit my mood. I shall emerge from my fetid shelter, eyes blinking from the heavenly sunshine, nose itching from the fre... More »
Stephen J. Lyons Before I even entered the plane’s cabin I could see disaster lurking in the boarding tunnel. This is the staging area where mothers and fathers gear up like wilderness backpackers at a trailhead, disassembling baby joggers and strollers,... More »