Posts published by “Simon Apfel”

Si­mon Apfel was born into ob­scu­rity, the son of a frozen peas im­porter and a wash­ing ma­chine. Even from a young age, he seemed des­tined for great­ness, uri­nat­ing on an elec­tric wall panel, and short-cir­cuit­ing an en­tire block of flats. His fame soon spread ex­cre­men­tally. As a teenager, Apfel was in­tro­duced to Joyce, Dos­toyevsky and Michel Houlle­beq, and his self-con­fi­dence took a knock from which it never quite re­cov­ered. Nev­er­the­less, he grad­u­ally pro­gressed from be­ing a rough and raw tal­ent to be­come the pol­ished piece of cos­tume jew­ellery cur­rently on dis­play. Apfel de­scribes his writ­ing style as “cin­e­matic”. His favourite pas­times in­clude scratch­cards, pi­geon-kick­ing and pro­cre­ation. He also en­joys star-gaz­ing, hair-rais­ing, head-scratch­ing and chin-wag­ging. Apfel is se­nior writer at Mama Cre­ative.